castle in the air
by r.e.ign.shyler
Summary: Could they recapture the past?
1. Chapter 1

_**Characters are OoC not with the usual teases and blush...****AU! **_

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**Disclaimer: don't own anything...**

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Chapter 1:

The last strains of music drifted away. Outside the Officers' Club, a car tooted its horn, and a siren blared in the distance. There was a sharp crackle of fireworks.

With her arms still locked on Reito's neck, Shizuru stood in the middle of the crowded dance floor, the noisy crowd surging and shouting around her. Flecks of confetti were scattered in her brown hair, and a long red paper streamer was caught around her bare shoulders. She could hear the popping of champagne corks, the music breaking into a slow dance tune, and she knew she was more than a little tipsy.

She also felt a little reckless. She gazed up at Reito Kanzaki through her lidded eyes. The taste of his brief New Year kiss was still on her lips, and she suddenly felt that she wanted more. Pressing herself a little closer up against him, she tightened her hold on his neck and pouted prettily.

"Is that the best you can do, Reito-san?" she asked in a seductive tone.

The brown eyes shot open, he smiled and firmly reached behind him to pull her arms away. "I think you're a little drunk, Shizuru," he said calmly. "Either that or you're becoming a tease again." She tossed her brown head so that her tawny hair hanging to her shoulders swung against her cheeks and gave him a haughty look.

"Very well," she said, enunciating her words as clearly as she could. "Just remember it was your decision." She took a step backwards and bumped squarely into a couple dancing by. "Sorry," she muttered.

She stumbled a little trying to regain her balance and felt Reito's hand on her arms steadying her. He heaved a sigh, put his arm around her and began to lead her off the dance floor through the crowd.

"I'm going to take you home," he said sternly.

Her head had began to hurt, and a slight nausea was threatening to escalate into something really nasty. While Reito retrieved her coat, she walked slowly and carefully through the doors that led to the outside entrance.

It was a freezing, a chill December wind –no, January now, she amended- blowing off Tokyo. She hugged her arms tightly around her body and stood at the railing looking out at the street, black under the midnight sky, the lights of the clubs still out there sparkling against it.

Her head began to clear immediately in the cold night air. She wasn't really drunk, she thought, just a little woozy. By the time Reito cam through the door to wrap her coat protectively around her shoulders, she felt quite sober. The churning sensation in her stomach had settled down, and her headache was gone.

"Are you okay?" Reito asked.

She smiled at him. "Fine"

"Shall we go, or do you want to stay?"

Just then a noisy crowd of people came through the door, laughing and stumbling. One of the men was singing loudly off key, and a woman's high-pitched giggle rang out.

"Shizuru!" she screeched. "Come with us. We're going to the Officers' Club at Pier 27. Someone said there was free champagne and supper!"

Shizuru hesitated. She was tempted. It would be fun, she thought. More dancing, more good times, more drinking. She glanced up at Reito with an enquiring look. He only shrugged his shoulders.

"It's up to you. You're the boss."

Suddenly she felt very tired. The others had gone ahead towards the parking lot still shouting to her. "I guess not," she called after them. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" Reito asked as they started walking slowly down the concrete stairs. "The party at the Harada's" she replied, taking hi arms. "They always have a big bash on New Year's Day." She waved her free hand vaguely in he air. "Everyone will be there. Aren't you going?"

He didn't reply until they reached his car. Then he turned and gazed down at her. "I take it by your question that you have a date already," he said stiffly.

She shook her head irritably and frowned. "Oh Reito, don't be tiresome!" She opened the car door and got inside. "It's not that kind of affair. Tomoe Margaruite is driving me, but you'd hardly call it a date."

She tucked her skirt around her legs. Reito closed the door and came around the front of the car to get in beside her. Before he started the engine, he turned and gave her a glance that was half indulgent, half annoyed.

"It looks at though I missed my chance out on the dance floor," he said with regret in his voice.

"That's nonsense, Reito," she said airily. "You were only being a gentle man." She smiled at him. "I count on that from an officer in the Air Force."

In the dimness, she could see the hungry look on his face and hear the sharp intake of breath as he watched her. He shoved his key abruptly into the ignition, and started the engine.

"Sometimes you are such a tease," he muttered as he backed out of the slot. "You just like leading me on, playing with me."

"That's not fair, Reito," she protested. "I've never led you on. I do apologize for what happened on the dance floor. I had a little more to drink than I'm used to, but you'll have to admit that doesn't happen very often."

They slowed down at the sentry box near the front Air Station. A young man in a Patrol Uniform glanced briefly at the sticker on the windscreen, stood stiffly to attention and saluted smartly.

"Goodnight, sir," he said formally.

"Goodnight, soldier" said Reito. "And Happy New Year."

The boy grinned. "Thank you, sir. Same to you, Commander Kanzaki, sir. And to you, too, Mrs. Kuga."

There was no mistaking the adoring look in his eyes as he grinned at her. Shizuru flashed him a broad smile and waved. "Thanks, Souji" she called to him. Reito turned abruptly on the sand point way.

"Good God, Shizuru," he grumbled. "Does every man and woman you meet have to fall in love with you?"

"You're very grouchy tonight, Reito," she said calmly as they headed north towards the house where she lived. "What's wrong?"

He didn't speak until they'd pulled up in front of the house. He switched off the engine, then sat staring blankly ahead for several moments, his hands still gripping the steering-wheel, apparently deep in thought. Finally, he turned to her.

"You must realize by now that I want to marry you, Shizuru," he said. "I've been in love with you for years-you know that. I'm sick of standing in line with all the others waiting for a handout." He moved slightly closer. "Say you'll marry me, darling. I do love you. I think you care for me."

The minute he began his speech, a cold chill clutched at her heart, and she sighed inwardly. It wasn't the first time she'd have to deal with such a situation, but it always made her sad. She did like Reito, and enjoyed his company. He was good-looking, mature, kind and had a brilliant career ahead of him in the Air Force.

She turned to him. "Reito-san" she said softly. "I told you from he beginning that I didn't want a serious involvement. I never lied to you. Outside of my one lapse tonight on the dance floor, for which I am truly sorry, I've never led you on."

"That's true," he admitted. "I was out of line to accuse you of it. But you've got to settle down some time, Shizuru. Why not do it with me?"

Her crimson eyes widened. "Why do I have to settle down? There's no law against just having fun is there?"

"Is that all you want from life, Shizuru? Just to have fun?" She shrugged. "What else is there?"

"What about marriage, a home, children?" He ran a hand over his hair. "Your whole life is one long round of parties, shopping and teas. There's more to you than that."

"Apparently not," she said lightly. "I like my life exactly as it is. I don't have to explain I tor apologize for it to you or anyone else." "Besides, I've already been married."

He snorted loudly. "Oh, come now, Shizuru! You've been a widow for five years now, and were married for all of eight months. You could hardly call that a marriage."

'He was right, of course,' she thought, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. She could remember what her young wife looked like. She knew, too, that she used her long widowhood as a protection against serious emotional relationships, as though having been married once somehow absolved her from ever venturing into matrimony again.

In a way, it was even true. In spite of her frivolous reputation and pleasure-seeking lifestyle, she was at rare times aware of a more serious side of her nature. Certainly she had taken her short marriage seriously, and when Natsuki had been killed, she just knew she would never marry again.

"Surely you can't still be in love with Natsuki," Reito was now. "Still grieving over her."

She laughed. "Of course not. I was only a girl when I married her, barely twenty, and still was when she died. I don't think about her at all anymore. It was all so long ago. I'm a different person now."

"Are you, Shizuru? Are you really? Remember, Natsuki was my friend too. I knew you both even before you were married and you were the same then as you are now. You and Natsuki cared about was having fun."

She smiled at him again. "You still haven't convinced me that there's nothing wrong with that, Reito." She put a hand on his arm. "Look, you're a serious person, responsible, committed. You want to settle down, have a family. I don't. Neither did Natsuki, and that's why we get along so well."

"It's also probably why you've hardly given her a thought in all these years, too."

"Now, that's not fair" she said, stunned. "I did my share of grieving when she died. But you said it yourself, it was a very short marriage."

He put his hands over hers. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to criticize you or judge you. But now you're a woman, the most beautiful, the most desirable woman I've ever known." He laughed shortly. "You've got half the Air Force in love with you."

"Oh come on, Reito! No one's really in love with me at all. They just like to take me out because they know I'm not looking for a serious commitment. And also because my father's the Base Commander."

He gave her hand an impatient squeeze. "I'm not going to argue the point. All I know is that I'm in love with you, and I want to marry you. Say you'll at least consider it, think about it."

"No, Reito" she said without a moment's hesitation. "I can't do that. You say you're in love with me, but what you really want is to change me. You want me to be more serious, to make a home for you, probably have your children. I won't do that. Not for any man."

He frowned and opened his mouth to say something but she pushed the door wide open and got out to the pavement.

"Goodnight, Reito. Thank you for a lovely evening And Happy New Year."

She could feel him watching her as she ran lightly up the front walk on her high-heeled shoes, and it wasn't until she was safely inside, with the front door securely behind her and the lights turned on, that she heard him drive away.

Shizuru loved her house. It wasn't large, but every detail had been chosen with loving care. Natsuki's insurance money had left her the money to buy it, and the pension of an Air Force pilot killed in the line of duty was more than adequate to meet her needs. Her parents were well off, too and very generous and understanding with their only daughter, who was widowed so young. She'd never had to work and didn't need to marry again to provide for her.

She took off her high-heeled shoes and padded her feet across the thickly carpeted living room, turning lights on as she went and humming a little under her breath. Whenever she came home, day or night, she enjoyed just looking at her house again, each room perfect, each object a reflection of her own taste.

As she went up the carpeted staircase to her bedroom, Shizuru thought over her conversation with Reito, wondering if there were anything she should reproach herself for. She hated hurting anyone. Contented with her pleasant life and cheerful by nature, she liked things to run smoothly, and was a little annoyed at Reito for pressing her tonight over his desire to marry.

Of course men want to marry, she thought as she hung up her lovely fur, a gift from her parents on her twenty first birthday. They have all the advantages in marriage. She dropped her diamond earrings on her dressing-table and sat down to remove her make-up. She started to brush her hair, one hundred faithful strokes every night, no matter how late she came home. Good looks were maintained by these small disciplines, her mother had preached to her over an over again when she was growing up.

She took off her clothes and hung the dress carefully in the huge closet on a purple padded hanger. It was another of her mother's laws that in order to be well dressed, clothes had to be cared for, she stroked the fur, placed the shoes in their proper place on the shelf in the long row of others, and put her discarded underwear in the embroidered satin bag reserved for hand-washing that hung on the closet door.

She had nothing to feel guilty about, she decided, as she put on her nightgown and robe. Except for that one silly moment on the dance floor, she'd managed to keep Reito at a distance for years, promising nothing, not by a word, a glance, a gesture.

As she brushed her teeth in the adjoining bathroom, she wondered what in the world had possessed her to come on to Reito like that. He'd given her his usual New Year kiss, just a brief peck on the mouth, actually, when suddenly she'd wanted more than that. She'd been going on New Year parties with him for years, and she herself had limited extent of the kiss.

'It must have been the champagne,' she decided finally as she switched off the bathroom light and went back to the bedroom. She'd never felt remotely physically attracted to Reito in the past, or to any other of the numerous young men and women she'd gone out with through the years. When she reached out to turn off the bedside lamp, she realized that she wasn't sleepy in the least. She debated going downstairs to find something to eat, but long habit stopped her.

"If you want to keep your figure," her mother's voice rang in her ears, "you must never, ever eat in between meals."

With a sigh of regret, Shizuru reached for the remote and turned on the television. Perhaps one of the late-night shows would put her to sleep. She flicked buttons from channel to channel. Finally she decided on one of the talk shows and settled back on the pillows to watch the famous host banter back and forth with a well-known pop singer and a midget actress. it was so boring she thought shed's be asleep in five minutes.

She was in fact, just drifting off seconds later, when a loud voice broke into the commercial. "We interrupt this program to bring you a special news."

Her attention aroused, Shizuru opened her eyes drowsily to see the face of a familiar newscaster filling the screen, and in the next moment she heard his voice.

"We have just received word here in Tokyo that Natsuki Kuga, the Air force pilot who was shot down behind the Iron Curtain five years ago, has just been released."

_'NATSUKI KUGA!'_


	2. Chapter 2

'_NATSUKI KUGA?!' _

She bolted upright in bed. _That was Natsuki!_ She turned up the volume and sat stunned, staring at the screen. The newscaster's voice was still speaking in the background, but the picture had changed to show a gaunt woman in an ill fitting shabby suit walking towards the camera. She was flanked on either side by grim-looking men wearing dark suits and shades over their eyes. Each of them gripped an arm of the woman between them, as though guiding and supporting her at the same time.

"As you will recall," the voice of the newscaster continued, "Lieutenant Kuga was shot down on what the Air Force called a "routine training mission" when she had strayed "inadvertently" over Communist territory. Speculation at the time, of course was that she was actually on a spy mission. This was denied at the time by Air Force officials, and since Lieutenant Kuga was reported dead, the matter was ultimately dropped."

The picture on the screen was fuzzy, and the woman in the middle walked with her head down so that Shizuru couldn't get a good look at her face. She was painfully thin and walked in shambling, shuffling gait of an old man.

"The picture you see on your screen now," said the reporter, "shows Kuga being escorted out of the Japanese Embassy in West Berlin, where she was brought from the country, unknown at present, where she has been held prisoner for five years."

The screen now showed a cluster of reporters with cameras trained on the woman and microphones thrust upward her face. There was an incredible racket as they excitedly shouted questions at her, and for one moment before her two guards spirited her into a waiting black car, she glanced directly into the camera.

She didn't utter a word, but the look on her face made Shizuru catch her breath in a sudden painful rush of emotion. Her expression was an agonizing combination of confusion and sheer suffering. The eyes were curiously blank, the cheeks hollow. There were deep circles under her troubled green eyes, and her raven hair hung lifelessly over her forehead.

Then the three were inside the car, the camera following it as they drove away. It shifted back to the newscaster, who continued his report.

"The two men you saw with Lieutenant Kuga were unidentified, but an anonymous source has informed us that they are Japanese agents. Rumor has it that Lieutenant Kuga will be directly taken to a hospital for observation, but the exact location seems to be a well-kept secret. We have no details on why she was released, but our guess is that she was exchanged for one of our own political prisoners. All we can say at this point is, "Welcome Home, Lieutenant Kuga."

The reporter's image faded, the talk show resumed, and Shizuru was left staring blankly into space. She was sitting up in bed, every muscle rigid, her mind simply unable to grasp what she had just seen and heard.

Finally she felt the over powering impulse to move, to do something. She jumped out of bed and started pacing around the room, wringing her hands and muttering to herself.

'_It can't be Natsuki. It's not possible.'_ She kept repeating. The woman on the screen hadn't looked even remotely familiar. It was a mistake. Natsuki was dead. She still had the letter from the Air Force tucked away somewhere, the posthumous medal she was awarded, the flag that had covered her empty coffin at the military funeral.

She ran to the closet and reached far back on the shelf to take down the box where she had stored a few of Natsuki's things, medals, official documents, and some photographs. She hadn't looked at them or thought about them since the funeral.

She put the box on the bed and started to paw frantically through its contents. There it was, the yellow envelope that contained the letter notifying her of Natsuki's death. "We regret to inform you…" It hadn't been as cold as that, not with her hero status and her father's position as Base Commander, she recalled.

There had been the telephone call first, she remembered, from Natsuki's commanding officer, then the personal visit from a government agent who had been kind, but yet very insisted on finding out how much she knew about Natsuki's mission. All of her friends, mostly other pilots, had gathered and disposed of her clothes and personal possessions. All except the contents of the long-forgotten box on the bed.

There was the small black case with her posthumous medal inside, the highest honour the country bestowed on a military hero. A large manila envelope with official documents. A photo album.

Slowly she took out the album, almost afraid to look, yet curious to compare her wife of five years ago with the gaunt stranger she had seen on the television. The black cover was grimy from disuse and she brushed away the thin layer of dust before she opened it.

The very first picture was a wedding photograph, she in her white gown, Natsuki in her sparkling blue dress. They were just coming out of the chapel on the base through the double row of her fellow officers with their swords upraised and crossed above the newlyweds.

Her arm was crooked in Natsuki's, and they were looking at each other, smiling, their eyes meeting. _'We look so happy,'_ she thought. _'And we were,'_ she added. She'd almost forgotten. She starred at the photograph for several long moments, trying to reconstruct that day in her mind. But it was too remote, too long ago. Slowly she turned the page.

The next photograph was one of Natsuki alone, caught in a pensive moment sometime during the reception at the Officers' Club. Shizuru drew in her breath sharply at the sight of her. She'd forgotten what a beautiful woman she was, and how young!"

Her dark hair was hung below her shoulders, and the dress looks gorgeous on her perfect body. The pose was in profile, giving a clear view of her fine straight nose, her chin, the black lashes of her half-closed eyes. She was unsmiling, an unusual expression for the fun-loving woman she remembered, and she gazed fixedly down at the mouth.

It was the feature she had loved the most about her, she now recalled. It was an unusually mobile mouth, covering strong even white teeth, which normally would be flashing in one of her broad grins. The upper lip was rather thin, the lower one full and sensuous.

Suddenly she slammed the album shut. "NO!" she cried aloud. The woman on the news was not her Natsuki. That haggard face, scarred with the marks of suffering, didn't remotely resemble the young woman in the photographs. _'It was a mistake,'_ she told herself. '_Someone had made a dreadful mistake. People don't change that much in five years.'_

The telephone rang shrilly, breaking the stillness of the room, and she jumped at the sound. It rang again. She stared at the instrument on the bedside table. She didn't want to answer it. But it kept on ringing.

Finally she knew she had to do it. She dragged herself over to the table and picked up the phone.

"Hello," she said dully.

"Shizuru-san?" came a female voice. "Shizuru-san?"

"Yes"

"This is Captain Fumi Himeno. I was Natsuki's commanding officer. If you recall…"

"Yes," she said, recognizing the name. "I recall quite well."

She had the odd sensation that someone else was holding the telephone and listening to this woman, that the real Shizuru was standing off somewhere watching the scene, as though it were only a play or a movie. Or a nightmare. It certainly couldn't be real.

"I wonder if by chance you've seen the news about your wife on the television?"

"Yes," she replied curtly. "I have."

"I'm very sorry about that," she said with a sigh. "We did our best to keep it quiet until she was actually released into our custody and we confirmed that she really was who they claim she was, but somehow there was a leak in security and the media got a hold of it. You understand, we didn't want to notify you until we were certain of her identity."

Everything in her resisted, but she had to ask. "You are certain, though? It really is Natsuki?"

"Oh, yes," came the firm reply. "No question about it. The woman they released is Natsuki Kuga, your wife."


	3. Chapter 3

The next day was bedlam, a nightmare of people coming and going in and out of Shizuru's house, most of them strangers.

Her mother and father appeared first on her doorstep at seven o'clock that morning. She was still in her robe, numb and shaken, having only dozed fitfully during the rest of the night. When she opened the door to see her parents standing there, she could tell by her mother's concerned expression that they knew.

"You've heard?" she asked.

"Yes, darling," her mother had said. "Fumi-san called your father just an hour ago. We came as soon as we got dressed."

Glancing past them, Shizuru could see a strange car parked just behind her father's sleek Mercedes. Two men got out of the back seat, one with a large camera, the other pulling along a length of heavy black cable. A third man and a woman emerged from the front seat.

"Father," Shizuru said, with a weak flutter of her hand. "Who are those people?"

Her father wheeled around and stared briefly, then turned back to her. "Reporters," he said curtly in his clipped military manner. "You and your mother get inside. I'll deal with them."

As he turned and started walking down the steps towards the approaching group of people, her mother gripped her firmly by the arm and pulled her through the open door.

"Come on, Shizuru" she said. "Do as your father says."

She shut the door firmly behind her and guided Shizuru down the hall to the spotless kitchen.

"Sit down," she said, motioning her towards the round oak table by the corner windows. "I'll make some tea. You look terrible."

Shizuru sank obediently down into one of the padded chairs and watched her mother get the tea leaves from the cupboard above the sink. She was a slim woman in early middle age, immaculately groomed as always even at this hour in the morning, and totally self-possessed. Not a hair was out of place and her careful make-up was flawless.

"Mother" Shizuru chocked out, "Natsuki is alive!"

"I know, dear" said her mother, rattling the cups. "Isn't it wonderful? She's a real hero." She gave Shizuru a sharp glance over her shoulder. "After you've had a little breakfast, you'd better get dressed and make yourself presentable. You're going to have to face those reporters eventually. Your father knows how to deal with them, but he can't hold them off forever." She smiled brightly, the turned back to set the tea-pot on the stove. "You'll be in all the newspaper and on television, and you've got to look your best."

Shizuru was on the verge of tears, she could feel herself moving closer towards the edge of hysteria. She simply couldn't seem to communicate her feelings to her mother.

"Mother!" she cried. "Natsuki is alive! Don't you understand what that means?"

"Well of course I do, Shizuru," said her mother, giving her an impatient glance.

"No, Mother," Shizuru said, rising out of her chair and leaning forward, her knuckles resting on the top of the table, "I don't think you know what it's doing to me inside. I feel-I feel…" her voice broke off into a sob.

Her mother only gave her a blank uncomprehending stare. Then her eyes softened. She set down the cups and walked over to the table, looking down at her daughter.

"It's the shock, dear" she said soothingly. "I do understand. It'll just take you a while to get used to the idea."

Shizuru stared at her mother, the scarlet eyes wide and haunted. "Mother" she whispered. "I don't want to get used to the idea."

Her mother lurched a step backwards as though she'd receive a physical blow. "That's nonsense, Shizuru! What are you saying? You just aren't thinking straight yet."

After Midori's call, Shizuru spent the most of the night either pacing or sitting on a chair in her bedroom staring numbly into space and had done nothing else but think. She realized that she was still in a state of shock, even now, but she also knew her mother was wrong, that her thinking was quite clear, and her conclusions firm.

"Mother" she said, calmer now that she had her full attention, "try to understand. That woman on the television was not my Natsuki. She's a stranger."

Her mother stood there, a bewildered look on her face. "Shizuru, the Air Force doesn't make mistakes like that. If they weren't sure of her identity, they never would have called to inform you of it. They have finger prints, dental records…"

"Oh, it's probably Natsuki Kuga all right," Shizuru broke in impatiently. "But it's not my Natsuki. I don't have a wife anymore. I hardly ever did, it was so long ago and lasted such a short time." She could hear her voice rising, feel the panic threatening again, and made herself go still.

"Well, of course," her mother said briskly, "it will take some getting used to. It will seem a little strange at first, but after you've gone to see her, spent some time with her…"

"Gone to see her?" Shizuru whispered. "What do you mean?"

"Didn't Fumi tell you when she called?"

"Tell me what?" said Shizuru to her mother.

"They're flying you out there right away to be with her."

"Fly me where?"

Her mother turned to face her. "Why to Okinawa of course. She's in a hospital there. Your father and Fumi discussed it this morning on the telephone. They decided that the sooner, you leave, the sooner all this publicity will die down."

Shizuru could almost palpably feel her lovely life, her safe world, came crashing down around her. It was as though she were being drawn inexorably on a path she had no control over, a path she had no desire to follow, a path that would mean the end of her happiness and security. Everything in her protested against the web she was caught in. Somehow she must make all these people who were calmly deciding her future understand that she didn't want to go to Okinawa, didn't want to see Natsuki again, didn't want to be married to that gaunt stranger.

Just then the front door opened and closed firmly, and she heard her father's ponderous tread approaching the kitchen. In a few seconds he appeared at the door, a self-satisfied smile on his handsome face.

"There," he said, brushing his hands off. "I got rid of the for now." He eyed his daughter sternly. "But you're going to have to face them eventually, Shizuru." He sniffed the air. "Tea smells good," he said to his wife. He sat down at the table across from Shizuru. "Well, my dear, how does it feel to know Natsuki is still alive? And a hero, at that?"

It feels terrible, she wanted to scream, but long years of habit stopped her. Her father was rather remote, disciplined man, so used to obedience in his subordinates that the air of command about him carried over even into his family. She simply didn't dare cross him. He would never understand her feelings. Feelings didn't count with her father, only doing one's duty and obeying one's superior officer mattered to him.

"I-I'm not sure yet how it feels," she replied weakly. "It's all so confusing. Do you know what happened?"

"Well, she was shot down on that mission five years ago. It's still hush-hush why she was there and what she was doing over Communist air space." He shrugged his broad shoulders. "That's not important now. Apparently she was badly hurt in the crash and has spent the last several years in a prison hospital somewhere in Eastern Europe. Fumi Himeno says she's in pretty bad shape," he added grimly.

"You mean they mistreated her?" she asked horrified.

He shrugged again, then accepted a cup of tea silently from his wife. She set a cup down in front of Shizuru, then took the chair between them.

"All that will come out in time," he said between sips of scalding tea. "The important thing now is to put a lid on all this publicity. The Air Force wants its heroes, but it's essential that the spy aspect of the story be played down. That's why you've got to go to her as soon as possible."

"What do you mean, Father?"

He waved a hand in the air. "You know-make everything look as normal as possible. You rushing to her side, the reconciliation after five years of believing she was dead."

Shizuru was horrified at her father's words. He's talking about me as though I were a puppet instead of a human being! The Air Force jerks the strings, and I dance. An icy calm began to settle over her. '_I just won't do it,'_ she thought.

"And what if I don't want to go?" she asked quietly.

He shot her a withering glance. "Don't talk nonsense, Shizuru," he said briskly. "You have to go, whether you want to or not."

She quailed before the certainty in his tone, the sure ring of authority. Still, she had to give it one last try. "Father" she said in a pleading tone, "I don't even know this woman. How can you ask me to go to her and pretend I'm her wife?"

"I do ask it," he returned sharply. "Your country asks it. It's your duty." His voice softened slightly as if her distress had finally broken through him. He put a hand on hers, a rare display of affection for him. "It's only until the publicity dies down, Shizuru. You may have to pretend for a while. Then, when the furor goes away, you can do what please about your marriage. Remember, it's been five long years for Natsuki, too. She's been through a lot, and certainly she will have changed as much as you have."

Shizuru stared blankly at him. She'd never thought of that. In fact, through the whole shocking experience, she hadn't thought of Natsuki at all. She still couldn't connect in her mind her dimly-recalled young wife and the strange woman she'd watched on the television. She could still see the lines of suffering in her face, the look of bewilderment and defeat in the lifeless eyes.

Her father was right, she decided at last. Whether she liked it or not, she was caught up in this thing and would have to ride it out to end. For everybody's sake, her own included, she'd have to go through with this charade, act the part for the news media, and then, when it was over, she could come home, get a quiet divorce, and resume her pleasant life.

She smiled at her father. "All right, Father" she said. "I'll do it."

"Good girl," he said, giving her hand a squeeze. "Now, you're going to have to talk to the reporters some time today. I only got rid of them by promising them an interview with you later this morning. And Midori-san is sending a woman over to brief you about the details of your trip." He eyed her speculatively. "You'd better get dressed now. It's going to be a hectic day."

The telephone rang just then, and her mother went to answer it. From then on, it rang almost constantly and the nightmares began.

-------Later that day------

Shizuru sat in the plane looking down at the blinking lights of Okinawa, just as dusk was falling. She had left the Tokyo Airport in a cold wintry drizzle. Now, the dark blue sky was still suffused with a reddish glow from the sun that had just sunk below the horizon, and there was still just enough daylight left to see the sandy beaches.

Once she'd realized that it was really required of her was a good job of acting, her churning emotions had settled down at last and she'd gone through all the motions, done whatever she was told, just like a docile child who knew that the better it behaved, the sooner the unpleasantness would be over.

She'd sat calmly through the interview with the reporters, both in her own living-room and at the airport, answering all their questions graciously, overjoyed at her wife's return from the grave.

Her father was by her side throughout that whole ordeal, then later Reito Kanzaki had come to give her moral support, and the woman from the government, who had briefed her about her what lay ahead. She had been polite, but distant, detached and very businesslike.

The woman's attitude towards her had been exactly that of a commanding officer sending her into battle, issuing clipped orders that she expected her to obey. _'That was fine'_ she thought, as the plane circled the Okinawa airport and prepared to land. That was exactly the way she felt.

As the plane taxied along the runway, she began to gather her things together. The government woman had told her she would be met at the airport by another agent, then taken to her hotel suite. Tomorrow she would be driven to the hospital to visit Natsuki for the first time.

She also told her to expect to be met by another barrage of reporters, and she was prepared mentally for the ordeal. Having been through it twice now, she knew she could handle it. All she had to do was distance herself, put on a happy smile and act her proper part, just as though she were walking on a stage in a play.

Still, when she stepped out of the plane and started down the steps that led to the runway, the sudden popping of flashbulbs and shouts of the crowd below took her somewhat aback, and she paused for a moment. Then, out of the crowd, another of those grimly efficient men in dark suits made his way towards her and met her in the middle of the stairs.

"Shizuru-sama," he said in a low voice. "I'm special agent Kusanagi." He flashed her his identification and took her firmly by the arm. "I'm going to drive you to your hotel, but first I'm afraid you'll have to speak to the reporters." He gave her an enquiring look.

She nodded. "I understand."

She put on her broadest smile then, and they walked down towards the waiting crowd. At the bottom of the steps, Shizuru stood quiet still clutching her handbag and waiting.

"How does it feel, Shizuru-san?" came the voice of a woman reporter who was thrusting a microphone into Shizuru's face. "How does it feel to find out your wife is still alive?"

Shizuru put her most charming smile, spread her arms wide and gaze directly into the woman's avid, inquisitive and curiously cold eyes. _'Remember,'_ she told herself, _'I'm only playing a part."_

"Well, how would you feel if you were in my shoes?" she asked with a little laugh and passed on.

It was a friendly crowd, and eventually they let her through. When they finally arrived at the waiting car, Mr. Kusanagi got in the back with Shizuru, and the driver tooting his horn, pulled her slowly away from the crowd. Shizuru leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

Mr. Kusanagi briefed her on the way to the hotel. "You'll be able to take it easy and get some rest tonight," he said. "Have dinner in your room, don't answer the telephone. You can have your calls held, if you want. Tomorrow will be a big day. I'll pick you up at ten o'clock and take you to the hospital. I'm afraid you'll have to run the gauntlet of reporters again. They don't know when you're coming and will probably be camped at the gate at night."

'_Tomorrow'_ she thought. _'Tomorrow I'll see her." _She opened her eyes and turned to the man sitting beside her.

"How is she?" she asked. "Natsuki?"

The man's eyes glazed over. "I don't really know. You'll have to discuss that with her doctors. All I know is that she'll be in the hospital for several more days. Perhaps weeks," he added hesitantly.

'_Weeks?!'_ she thought. _'And what am I supposed to do in the meantime?'_ Aloud she said, "Will I be staying at the hotel all that time?"

"That's the plan," he replied. "Then, when Natsuki is released from the hospital, we'll have a beach house on Fuuka ready for you. The publicity will have died down somewhat by then, and you shouldn't be bothered. She'll need sometime time to recuperate."

Shizuru gave him a sharp, enquiring look, but that was obviously all he was going to say.

She'd just have to wait until tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

_Thank you again to those who reviewed and put this on alert!__ ^_+___

Disclaimer: Don't own Mai Hime/Otome

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Chapter 4:

Promptly at 10 o'clock in the morning, Mr. Kusanagi appeared in the lobby to pick Shizuru up. She was waiting for him by the desk, anxious to get this ordeal over with. As he had suggested, she'd had her meals sent up to her room to avoid the reporters, but, glancing around the pleasant lobby now, she could see no sign of the reporters.

She'd dressed carefully, however, just in case, in a plain, beautifully cut linen dress of a light purple color that just matched her eyes. She's slept well the night before, and this morning, as she put on her make-up and combed her hair, she could see that the signs of strain and shock were slowly disappearing from her face. It was as though once she had made up her mind to go through with what was expected of her, she felt more in control of her own destiny.

"Good Morning," said Mr. Kusanagi. He nodded briefly. "Are you all ready to go?"

She wondered if these government agents ever smiled. They all seemed to be cut out of the same pattern, solemn-faced and gimlet-eyed, as though constantly on the look out for spies lurking even behind the potted palms that dotted the lobby of the hotel.

"Have the reporters given up?" she asked as they walked side by side towards the entrance.

"Or has a more sensational story come along?" she added hopefully.

"No such luck, I'm afraid," he said.

He guided her to the car waiting at the front of the hotel, and got in the back seat beside her. "They'll be at the front of the hospital." He nodded at the driver, who immediately started the engine. Mr. Kusanagi eyed Shizuru narrowly.

"Think you're up to another interview?"

"I think so," she replied. "I'm almost getting used to it by now."

It was only five miles from the hotel to the hospital, and they drove in silence for most of the way. As they were nearing the hospital, Shizuru's pulse rate began to pick up.

She turned to the man beside her. "Perhaps you could fill me in on the details," she said nervously. "I'm not quite sure what to expect."

"First you'll have to talk to the reporters."

They were approaching the hospital now, and he leaned forward to point out the cluster of people gathered. "I see they've got their cameras and microphones all set up."

She only nodded.

"Then," he went on in the familiar monotone, "you're to meet briefly with Captain Himeno."

She shot him a look. "She's here?"

The man nodded.

"Yes. She flew out from Tokyo early yesterday. She wants to talk to you before you see Natsuki."

"I see." She only vaguely remembered the woman who had been Natsuki's commanding officer and was a friend of her father's.

"You'll have a short private visit with Natsuki-san after that," he went on. "Then you'll have a chance to talk to her doctor. That should bring us up to noon, and I'll take you back to the hotel."

They stopped outside the entrance. Immediately, the swarm of reporters converged on the car. Shizuru answered all their questions in the familiar platitudes, smiled when they asked her to, and a few minutes it was over.

---------Inside the hospital---------

Mr. Kusanagi led Shizuru to a small private office, where a slim pink-haired woman in a captain's black uniform was sitting at a bare desk. She rose to her feet smartly as Shizuru entered and walked towards her with her hands outstretched, a smile on her face. Shizuru heard the door behind her close quietly as Mr. Kusanagi left the room.

"Shizuru-san," the woman in uniform said, taking her hands. "You probably don't remember me."

"Captain Himeno," she said. "I'm afraid not, but my father and Natsuki has spoken of you often."

"Let's sit down," she said, gesturing to a leather-covered couch along one wall of the small room. "Now," Fumi said, when they were seated side by side, "I'm sure you're anxious to see Natsuki, but I thought I'd better fill you in first on her condition."

"Yes," she murmured, "I'd appreciate that."

Fumi frowned then and looked away from her as though considering her words carefully. "She's been through a lot," she said finally, turning back to Shizuru.

"She was only released 3 days ago, and while the doctors say there's every chance for a full recovery, she's very weak, undernourished, and . . ." She broke off and gave Shizuru a sharp look.

Then she sighed. "I might as well be frank with you. Your father tells me your character is strong enough to take it."

Shizuru clutched at her handbag in her lap, a sudden knot of fear forming at the pit of her stomach.

"What is it?" she said finally in a low voice.

"Natsuki was hurt in the crash, of course," she went on. "Some bones broken, burns, a few gashes. But she was young and strong, in top physical condition. It was what happened later that is causing her present problem. You see, she was in prison the whole five years. They treated her as a political prisoner, a spy."

"You mean they tried to get information from her?" she asked.

Fumi nodded grimly, and then it dawned on her what the woman was driving at.

"Are you saying they tortured her?" Fumi nodded again, and she closed her eyes, swaying a little as a wave of dizziness passed over her.

"Are you alright?" she heard her ask in a tone of concern.

She opened her eyes and stared at Fumi. "How bad is it?"

Fumi shrugged. "Physically, not that bad. Oh, there are various injuries, some scarring, but nothing that won't heal in time." She gave Shizuru a grave look. "It's her mental condition they're really concerned about."

"Her mental condition?" she echoed. "You mean, she's insane?"

"Oh, God, no! Nothing like that," she assured her quickly.

"She's perfectly lucid, and rational, just . . ." She stood up.

"Why don't you go and see for yourself? I just wanted to fill you on the background before you see her so that you'd be prepared. After your visit, you can talk to her doctor. He can give you a much better picture of her condition than I can."

Shizuru rose to her feet, then and walked with Fumi through the door and down a long, wide corridor. At the end of it, they turned a corner, and at the second door on the right, Fumi stopped.

"This is her room," she said.

"I'll leave you now. The doctor has limited her visits to half an hour. I'll come back then."

Fumi turned and strode off down the corridor, her shoulders squared in a typical military bearing, tread even on the polished floor, as though marching to the cadence of a drum.

When she was alone in the silent hall, Shizuru was consumed with a sudden panic. She had to fight down the urge to turn and run, as far away from the drab hospital as possible, back to the hotel. For one second, she honestly believed she would do just that.

Then she thought of he father, of his stern admonition to her that she must do her duty. _How could I face him if I runaway now? And the reporters!_ She shuddered as she thought of that avid mob, hungry for news of any kind, the more sensational the better. They'd crucify her in the press.

Her shoulders slumped.

Much as she hated it, she had to go through with it. She was a prisoner, at least for now. But only to a point. _'I will not be coerced into anything permanent out of pity,'_ she vowed to herself.

She'd have to stay here in Okinawa until Natsuki was stronger, she decided, but then she'd have to be made to understand her position and release her from a marriage that had died years ago.

There was a small window set in the door to Natsuki's room, perhaps a foot square, and before opening the door she glanced inside. It was a typical hospital room, painted white with one window overlooking a pleasant garden. Beyond it, the well trimmed green lawn downwards to the sea.

In the metal hospital bed, the figure of a woman was outlined under the neat white blanket. Her bare arms were outside the covers lying quietly at her sides, and her dark head was turned away from her on pillow. She seemed to be asleep.

Shizuru took a deep breath, turned the handle of the door and walked inside.

The window was open, a soft balmy breeze blowing through it, a powerful scent of flowers heavy on the air.

The woman in the bed hadn't moved. She closed the door quietly and went to the foot of the bed. She stood there silently for some time studying Natsuki.

Although she could see a faint resemblance to the Natsuki Kuga she had married in the dark hair, the straight nose, the woman in the bed could have been a stranger. Her cheeks were painfully hallowed, her skin pale and unhealthy-looking, as thought she'd been very ill. She was wearing a white hospital gown, and Shizuru could see the sharp ridges of the collarbone under the low neckline, the thin arms beneath the short sleeves.

Her heart went out to her in a sudden rush of pity. The lines of suffering etched in her gaunt face were horrible to see, and she felt the same tender compassion for her as she might a hurt child. But nowhere could she find a trace of love.

She didn't know what to do. Should she wake her? She glanced at her watch. She still had twenty-five minutes left before Midori would come back. There was a straight chair beside the bed. Maybe she should just sit there quietly and wait for the time to pass.

She crossed over to the chair and sat down. Natsuki still hadn't moved, but now she could hear her steady, even breathing and see the rise and fall of her chest under the thin cotton blanket.

As she sat there watching Natsuki, a sudden spasm of pain passed over her haggard features and she seemed even more alien to Shizuru than she had before. Natsuki had been a cheerful, good-natured, always ready to have a good time yet a little rebellious at times.

Then Natsuki opened her eyes.

For a moment as crimson met green, Shizuru had a brief intimation of the old Natsuki in the flash of recognition she saw there. In the next second it was gone, glazed over in a shuttered, closed-in look.

She smiled at her "Natsuki . . ." she said.

The name sounded strange on her lips as she uttered it. _Natsuki was dead,_ her inner voice insisted.

"How are you feeling?"

The younger one didn't say anything at all, but the dull eyes narrowed and a deep frown creased her forehead. Finally she looked away and stared up fixedly at the ceiling.

"What are you doing here?" she said at last in a flat, expressionless tone of voice.

Shizuru was shaken by the note of hostility in her manner.

"Didn't they tell you I was coming?" she asked hesitantly.

"They told me."

Shizuru stared at her. This wasn't working out at all as she'd expected. She'd had herself all braced for a tearful reconciliation scene, had actually planned ahead for ways to extricate herself from it gently, and now Natsuki was acting as though she was an intruder.

She laughed nervously. "Fumi-san made all the arrangements, you know. They apparently thought you were well enough to see me."

Natsuki darted a cold look at her.

"Is this why you came, Shizuru? Following orders?"

Shizuru didn't know what to say. Natsuki's assessment of her situation was quite accurate, but it seemed terribly crass and unfeeling of her to come right out with it like that.

"I've been watching you on television," she said with a nod at the lcd mounted on the opposite wall.

"You did a marvelous job of acting." She gazed quizzically at her.

"Perhaps you missed your calling." A slight smile quirked on her mouth, but her green eyes were cold and distant.

"You're looking quite well, Shizuru, as beautiful as ever."

Shizuru didn't know how to answer that. Natsuki was staring at the ceiling again, and there was another long silence.

When she finally spoke again, her voice was hollow as though speaking from a great distance.

"I want you to leave, Shizuru." She said.

Shizuru half-rose out of the chair. "Yes, of course,"

"I don't want to tire you. I don't know when they'll let me come back, but . . ."

"No," Natsuki growled. She fixed Shizuru with a hard look.

"Don't come back. I want you to leave Okinawa. Go back to Tokyo, and don't come here again, ever."

She turned her head away from Shizuru then, and closed her eyes. Shizuru stood there for a few tense moments, gazing down at her, but Natsuki had shut her out completely, and she knew Natsuki wouldn't speak to her again.

Slowly, she turned and walked out of the room.

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What'd you think about the not so happy reunion?

This won't be their final encounter, so, no violent reactions, ok? ^^,


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: don't own mai hime/otome_

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Chapter 5:

"Don't you understand?" Shizuru shouted at the stone faced Mr. Kusanagi two hours later.

"She doesn't want me there!"

They were in the sitting-room of her hotel suite and had been arguing steadily ever since their return from the hospital. She had started out in a calm, reasonable tone, telling him that perhaps it would be better for her to go back home, at least until Natsuki was stronger, but had got nowhere.

Mr. Kusanagi had never raised his voice, never pleaded, never scolded or threatened.

'_He's like a great pile of boulders, a mountain that is simply immovable,'_ Shizuru thought, and he just keeps on insisting that in time Natsuki would accept her visits, probably even come to look forward to them.

Now, with this last outburst, when Shizuru had ended by actually stamping her foot in frustration, she was gratified to see a slow look of alarm spread over the man's imperturbable face. She had finally got through to him. He took out a handkerchief, wiped his forehead and sighed deeply.

"She just doesn't want me," she repeated more calmly.

"I'm not doing any good here. I'm going back to Tokyo."

She went to the window and stood looking out at the curving white beach, the blue sea. All she wanted was to go home. She'd been willing to go along with the charade for as long as it was necessary. What she hadn't prepared for was that flat rejection, and it stung more than she cared to admit.

"Listen," Mr. Kusanagi said in a kinder tone from behind her.

"Just stick around for a few weeks, at least until she gets out of the hospital. Make a token appearance everyday, and if she won't see you-well, just leave. Go and see the sights. At the government's expense, of course." He added hastily.

"Well," he said limply. "You could try."

The expression on his face was so comical that she had to laugh. _ Oh well,_ she thought, _ what do I have to lose? _Her father would be furious if she left now anyway. Why not see the sights? She would have done her precious duty, satisfied the reporters and these stern men, then she could go home with a clear conscience and resume her own life.

"Oh, all right," she said with a sigh. "Two weeks."

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From then on, Shizuru's days fell naturally into a pattern that became almost pleasant. She got up when she woke up, had a leisurely breakfast in her room, then showered and dressed. At ten o'clock, Mr. Kusanagi would arrive in the car and take her to the hospital, where she would go to the small office and chat for her allotted half-hour with either Fumi or one of Natsuki's doctors.

After that first day, she made no further attempt to see Natsuki; in fact, she deliberately stayed away from that end of the hospital. Natsuki didn't want to see her; she wasn't interested in seeing her. She would stay the two weeks, as promised, do her duty, for appearances' sake, then go home.

Even the doctors concurred. Apparently, Natsuki had made her wishes on the subject quite clear to them, because on the second day one of them had been in the office with Midori to greet her when she arrived. He was a slight, mild-mannered man with sandy thinning hair and wore a pair of steel-rimmed glasses that kept slipping down on his short nose.

His name was Dr. Oyama, and when Shizuru entered the office, all prepared to do battle of they tried to force her into barging in on Natsuki again, he gave her a nervous smile as he shook her hand and immediately broke into profuse apologies.

"I'm sorry, Shizuru-san," he said, pushing his glasses back up on his nose, "for the little-um-unpleasantness with Natsuki yesterday."

He shook his head. "I'm afraid it was a little too soon for such an emotionally charged meeting."

"Dr. Oyama is Natsuki's psychiatrist, Shizuru-san," Fumi explained. She had been hovering nearby, a worried look on her face.

"He feels that when Natsuki is stronger physically, she'll be more-ah-receptive to your presence."

"Um, yes." Dr. Oyama agreed, nodding and smiling deferentially.

"She's been through a shocking experience. Jus give her a few more weeks, Shizuru-san. She is making progress. We've started her on an intensive physical therapy program and will soon have her out jogging a little in the sunshine everyday. She's already gained back some of her weight and will soon be quite fit physically."

"Of course," Shizuru said calmly. She wasn't going to argue. She'd promise two weeks, and that would be it. Then she could go home.

In the afternoon, she would lie on the beach and swim for an hour or two, then get dressed again and go shopping or sightseeing.

The reporters, sensing that no more interesting stories would be forthcoming from the affair, left her pretty much alone now. She and Natsuki were yesterday's news. This suited her plans perfectly. Not only did it leave her free to wander around the city at will without a gaggle of newshounds following her around, but when the time came for her to leave, she might be able to slip away quietly. She would start divorce proceedings as soon as she got home, they could just make of that what they would.

On their daily rides to the hospital, Mr. Kusanagi occasionally broached the subject to her of flying over to Fuuka, just to take a look at the house where Natsuki would be sent to convalesce when she was released from the hospital. But Shizuru always refused flatly even to discuss it.

Finally, one day in the second week of her stay, Fumi herself raised the issue with her. They were in the same small office where they usually met while she was supposed to be visiting Natsuki.

"Mr. Kusanagi tells me you refuse to go to the house on Fuuka," she said sternly, standing over her.

They had never discussed the future before, and Shizuru quailed a little under Fumi's commanding air.

"I don't really see the point," she said defensively.

"That woman is Natsuki. I'm not her wife." As she spoke, her courage grew.

"Throughout this whole thing, no one has ever bothered to ask me how I felt about it," she went on. "First my parents, then the government and the military, the reporters, and you yourself have just told me what to do, and I've done it. Now, it's obvious that Natsuki doesn't want this marriage any more than I do."

"Natsuki doesn't know what she wants!" Fumi snapped. "It's got to be up to you now to make decisions about your future."

Shizuru gazed up at her, still a little cowed by the ring of authority in Fumi's voice. Then she thought, _'it's my future after all, mine and Natsuki's. They have no right to force us into a situation neither of us wants just to avoid bad publicity for themselves.'_

Shizuru stood up and faced her defiantly.

"My mind is made up," she said quietly.

"I'm leaving at the end of the week. That is my decision."

Shizuru could tell Fumi didn't like it, but to her intense surprise, Fumi backed down. She sighed, shook her head, and opened her mouth to argue, but something in the determined life of Shizuru's chin must have told her it wouldn't do any good, and she remained silent.

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Finally, it was the day of Shizuru's last visit. She had made her flight reservations for the first plane out tomorrow, and her bags were all packed. She still hadn't told her parents she was coming home or that she intended to divorce Natsuki, but she decided that if she could face down the formidable Midori Suguira, she could tackle her father.

Mr. Kusanagi came to pick her up as usual, and dropped her off the hospital. It was a rather strained drive. He's obviously given up trying to persuade her to stay. He just sat over his side of the back seat, sunk in a morose silence and stared out the window.

-------At the hospital-------

Shizuru went straight to the small office where she'd been spending her half-hour, and was surprised to see it was empty.

'_Natsuki was due to be released tomorrow,'_ she recalled, however, and there were probably a lot of last-minute preparations to make.

She sat down on the leather couch and began to leaf idly through a magazine just to use up the time. It was utterly quiet outside except for the low, continual pounding of the sea. In a few moments, she began to feel restless. She set down the magazine and walked over to the window. When she glanced at her watch, she saw that only five minutes has passed.

_Where is everybody?_

She began to pace around the small room. She thought about going home tomorrow, back to her house, her friends-her parents! What would she tell them? She could just hear her father's voice: '_You mean to say you saw her once, then just gave up? You didn't even bother to say goodbye to her?'_

Suddenly it began to seem somewhat crass and unfeeling of her to leave like this without at least seeing her one more time. Natsuki didn't want her any more than she wanted her, but they had been married once, after all. They had been friends, even lovers. Perhaps she should at least say goodbye to her, wish her well.

'_I'll do it'_ she decided.

She went out into the wide empty corridor and started walking. It had seemed pretty straightforward the day Midori had taken her to Natsuki's room. She turned the corner at the end of the hall.

_Second room to the right_, she recalled.

At the door, she hesitated, remembering how Natsuki had sent her away that first day. '_Nobody likes rejection_', she thought. _'What if she does it again?'_ Then she shrugged. _'Well, so what if she does? I still need to make this last token gesture of goodwill.'_

She raised her hand to knock, but before she did, her eyes was caught by a glimpse of movement inside through the small window set in the door. She moved closer to get a better look, them dropped her hand and stared, transfixed by what she saw there.

Natsuki was sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing a hospital gown. Kneeling on the bed behind her was a woman, a nurse or therapist of some kind, wearing a white uniform. She was leaning over Natsuki, her hands on Natsuki's shoulders kneading gently, her head close so that her long straight blonde hair fell in a curtain over her face.

Natsuki had her head bent, her eyes closed, as the woman massaged her shoulders and back, and Shizuru was struck dumb at the change in her. She was still very thin, but the pale skin was now back to its usual porcelain glow, and the muscles of her arms and back looked firm yet still feminine, and the black hair gleamed healthily in the shaft of sunlight coming through the open window.

Shizuru caught her breath at the sight, hardly able to believe the transformation two weeks had shaped Natsuki. And as she stared, a faint glimmer of remembrance began to stir within her, a growing sense of recognition, of familiarity with that face, that lithe body, even the way she sat, with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed, her arms braced beside her hips.

Then Natsuki raised her head and turned it slightly in Shizuru's direction, smiling up at the blonde, as though at a shared joke, and Shizuru's heart caught in her throat.

_That's Natsuki sitting there! That woman is no longer a stranger, but Natsuki! My Natsuki!_

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_Thank you to these guys for reviewing last time:_

**glowie/maki4will/gale/lindred/AnimeJock/Cogent/Edge-Keen Blade/0xnaomix0/Swarm012/Fushigi na Hito/AleraeEirtoren/ifuritka/ManiazAzn/Iria the Seeker/anonymous/kiangs/manamana/ALEXISSA2/rainee-chan/nobody/Chimetaki/kikyo4ever/Rain82/chatterbox-hikaru13/Keiko-chan2000/Lokiador/kae/-lunatic- diavolo days/lostinafeeling**


	6. Chapter 6

_**as always, thanks to:**_

_0xnaomix0/kikyo4ever/the blue lone wolf/Edge-keen blade/anonymous/lostinafeeling/shamanic demonator/kae/rainee-chan/Swarm012/AnimeJock/ALEXISSA2/EleCoR/deatheater2493/ManiazAzn/BluexSavior/Iria the seeker/-lunatic- diavolo days/chum-sa/lindred/keiko-chan2000/maki4will/natsuki91_

glowie: _shizuru being alone in the office wasn't a setup..._

chatterbox-hikaru13: _sorry to disappoint you but this is rather a short one. . ._

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Chapter 6:

_That's Natsuki sitting there! That woman is no longer a stranger, but Natsuki! My Natsuki!_

Her pulse began to pound as floods of long-repressed memory washed through her. Natsuki resplendent in her blue dress at their wedding, the broad grin on her handsome young face, the flashing white teeth. Natsuki on their wedding night, hovering over her on the bed, her shoulders bare, gazing down at her with the light of desire gleaming in her deep-emerald eyes.

Then the letter had come, the call from Fumi, and it was all over. Natsuki was dead. Her laughing, beautiful young wife would never return. After the first spasms of grief and loss, she had pushed all memory, all thoughts of Natsuki, out of her mind. She'd had to, merely to survive, and she'd managed to keep it there, buried for five long years.

As she continued to gaze inside the room, the blonde woman in there with Natsuki pushed back the curtain of hair so that Shizuru had a clear view of her face. She was smiling and gazing fondly down at the dark-haired woman. She was very lovely.

Shizuru's cheeks burned.

'_That's my wife she's pawing!'_ she thought angrily.

She took a deep breath to calm herself, then tapped lightly on the door and slowly pushed it open.

They both looked up as Shizuru entered the room. Natsuki's eyes narrowed when she saw her, and the smile faded. The blonde gave her one guilty look, then backed hastily off the bed and got to her feet on the opposite side.

"Good morning, Shizuru-san," she said, walking towards her.

"I'm Miyabi Sanada, Natsuki's physical therapist." She extended her hand, apparently recovering her poise, and gave Shizuru a cool appraising glance.

"We weren't expecting you."

"No," said Shizuru, taking the blonde's hand briefly, then dropping it.

"I can see that" she added.

Then she smiled. "If you're through, would you mind leaving us alone for a while?" she asked pleasantly.

"I have to some things I'd like to discuss in private with my wife," she added, with a slight emphasis on the last word.

The blonde's face darted a quick glance at the woman on the bed.

Natsuki nodded shortly.

"I've had enough for now Miyabi," she said.

When they were alone, Shizuru wasn't quite sure how to start or even what she wanted to convey to the silent woman who sat immovable on the edge of the bed. She hadn't changed her position. She just sat there, eyeing Shizuru thoughtfully.

"I thought you'd be gone by now," she said at last. There was no hostility in her tone, but no genuine interest either.

Shizuru walked over to the window and stood gazing out at the sloping law for several moments, searching for the right words.

'_How can I tell her that I suddenly recognized her, that the past had once again become a living reality? What if she rejected me again? Two weeks ago, it hadn't really mattered. Now it does.'_

She turned around to face her. "I thought we should talk first," she said.

Now it seemed as though the stranger was back, and she faltered, confused.

"We are still legally married after all."

Natsuki nodded. "Yes. Well, you can do what you please about that."

"I intend to," Shizuru said sharply, and green eyes widened with a sudden flash of life.

"But first, I'd like to know what your wishes are in the matter."

"I have no wishes in the matter," Natsuki said promptly.

In spite of the innocuous statement, Shizuru had the odd sensation that she was deliberately challenging her, even testing her. It was then that she noticed the scars on Natsuki's back, and she drew in her breath sharply at the sight of the angry welts, still visible under her milky white skin.

"Not a pretty sight, are they?" Natsuki asked casually.

Shizuru tore her eyes away from them to meet her mocking gaze. As she watched, Natsuki slid her legs up on the bed and under the sheet, then sat up with her head resting on the pillows, effectively hiding her scarred back from Shizuru.

"I earned them Shizuru. Every ugly mark." Her voice was low and bitter, and a spasm of pain passed over her hardened features. She turned her head away as though unable to bear Shizuru's horrified gaze.

"I don't want your pity," she muttered. "Why don't you go home?"

"I'm sorry" Shizuru said stiffly. "It won't happen again." She hesitated.

"Is that what you want, Natsuki?" she asked at last.

"For me to go home?"

The dark head moved around slowly to face Shizuru again.

"I told you. Suit yourself. It doesn't matter to me one way of the other."

Something told Shizuru she was lying, but couldn't figure out why. Did she actually want her to stay, but was leaving her free to make her own decision? Or did she really want her to leave, but didn't like to say so?

Finally she decided to take Natsuki at her words. Natsuki really didn't care what she did. In that case, she'd . . . But what did she want? She stood there in confusion. When she'd watched her through the window, seen her smile at Miyabi Sanada, she had seemed like the old Natsuki again. Shizuru's heart had gone out to her. Hope had flared up and a faint trace of love she had once felt for Natsuki.

Now she was a stranger to her once again, her green eyes cold and hard, her manner distant, and her determination to leave, to put an end to the past was renewed. Still, she wasn't sure.

"All right" she said at last, walking to the door, "I'll do that. I'll just suit myself."


	7. Chapter 7

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Chapter 7:

It wasn't until the car arrived back at the hotel, less than half an hour later, that Shizuru actually made up her mind. Until then, she had sat silently next to the solemn faced Mr. Kusanagi, debating within herself, weighing the pros and cons either way.

Finally, she realized that there was no way to determine the proper course to take on a rational basis. She'd have to do exactly what she had told Natsuki she would do-suit herself.

'_In other words'_ she thought grimly,

'_I have to operate on sheer instinct, plunge into the murky waters of the unknown, and hope I don't drown.'_

When the car pulled up at the hotel, Mr. Kusanagi turned to her.

"Well, Shizuru-sama," he said, not unkindly but with no real warmth,

"you'll be leaving tomorrow, so I guess this is goodbye." He held out a hand.

"No," Shizuru said abruptly, ignoring the outstretched hand.

She drew in a lung full of air. "I've changed my mind."

The agent's inscrutable grey eyes flew open, his jaw dropped, and Shizuru felt a surge on intense satisfaction to see this imperturbable man taken off guard at last.

Immediately, however, the eyes narrowed and the jaw snapped shut. He nodded once briefly, the old detached expression firmly back in place.

"You've changed your mind," he repeated flatly.

She nodded. "Yes. I've decided to go to Fuuka after all."

"Might I ask why the sudden about face?" he enquired drily.

"I can't really answer that. I just-back there at the hospital—" she faltered.

"Today, I felt that I was seeing Natsuki, my wife, for the first time since this whole thing began." She shrugged helplessly.

"It's hard to explain. I'm sure you can't understand. Before, you were all pushing me into marriage with a stranger, and I was frightened."

"Well, Shizuru-sama, whether I understand or not is unimportant." His voice was brisk, businesslike.

"What's essential is that you have changed your mind, and I've got some phone calls to make to get things organized. I assume you're all ready to go?"

She nodded. "I was leaving on the first flight out early tomorrow morning. I've already packed."

"All right. I'll leave you now. Cancel your reservation and check out of the hotel. I'll get back to you in an hour or two. There's no reason why we can't fly you to Fuuka this afternoon. Everything there is ready anyway, since Natsuki-san is expected tomorrow. I'll arrange for a car at the Fuuka airport," he began ticking off on his fingers.

"I can get you Navy transport from Okinawa this afternoon. There's a gardener and a housekeeper already there, a couple who lives nearby."

He reached across her to open her door.

Shizuru stepped out on to the pavement and had just started towards the entrance of the hotel when she heard him call her name.

She turned around.

He was leaning over the seat, his head at the open door.

"Shizuru –sama," he repeated, "are you sure?"

"No," she said.

"No, I'm not."

She smiled at the look of consternation in his face.

"But I guess I've got to give it a try, haven't I?"

--------------Four hours Later--------------

Shizuru was driving up a narrow paved road towards the house on Fuuka. It had been a short, uneventful flight from Okinawa, and the car had been waiting for her at the airport.

The direction she had been given were quite simple to follow. It was a small circular island, set like a round emerald in the blue sea, with lush natural greenery abounding everywhere. The house itself was a low, sprawling structure directly facing a private beach. Mr. Kusanagi had told her that the nearest neighbours were two miles away on either side, so they would have all the privacy they needed.

It was late afternoon. The couple had been notified of her arrival so that everything should be in order for her. She'd been told that they always left around two o'clock, but that there was plenty of food stocked in the kitchen for her supper.

It was cool and quiet inside the house. Most of the walls on the beach side were made of glass, but the blinds were all drawn, thin wooden slats that let in very little light. It was quite a large house, she saw as she walked around exploring, but contained very few rooms. A huge main room off the entrance hallway that looked out over the beach. A wide terrace attached, with a wooden railing around it and two steps leading down to a shimmering outdoor pool.

She went down a wide dim corridor. There were two very large bedrooms, both of them with sea views and both with their own adjacent bathrooms. One of the rooms had shirt and pants hanging in the closet and underwear folded neatly in the drawers. Obviously, this had been prepared for Natsuki. She had come out of prison with nothing, and would need all the new clothes.

Shizuru hesitated inside the room, her small overnight case in one hand, her bag slung over her shoulder, debating what to do.

_No,_ she decided finally.

_I'm not ready to share a bedroom with her, even if she's still my wife. _

She remembered too, Natsuki's lack of warmth towards her, and she knew that it would be a violation of Natsuki's own privacy if she were simply to move into her room first thing.

As she went back into the corridor, she realized that she didn't really know what to expect from this whole peculiar situation. She had made her decision to come here on an impulse, believing intuitively that it was worth a try.

She put her overnight case on the bed, opened it, and slowly started to unpack. Suddenly she felt very alone in the big empty house.

'_What am I doing here?'_ she thought in a rising panic, _thousands of miles from home, in a strange place, waiting for an unknown woman who was suppose to be my wife! I must be out of my mind to come here! Natsuki herself obviously doesn't want me here. Not once had she shown the remotest sign of warmth towards me._'

She sat down on the edge of the bed, her hands clutched in her lap.

'_Have I done the right thing?"_ she wondered.

"_Or made a terrible mistake? I don't even know this woman. She could be a dangerous lunatic for all I know. After the long ordeal she'd been through, anything was possible."_

Then she recalled the warm glow in Natsuki's eyes, the wide smile when she had looked up at Miyabi Sanada that morning during the therapy session she had interrupted.

'_I want her to look at me that way,' _she thought fiercely.

_Maybe it would be all right after all._

_Look at the improvement in her in just two weeks_, she rationalized as she went back out to the car to get her other luggage.

_She'll keep getting better and eventually the suffering she had endured would only become a dim memory. We could go back home and resume our old life again just where we left off._

'_I just need to be patient with her'_ she decided as she lugged the heavier of the two suitcases into the house.

'_And in time, with luck, my happy, and light-hearted Natsuki would be returned.'_

That night, after a light supper of fresh pineapple and a tasty fish salad she found in the fridge of the well appointed kitchen, Shizuru decided to call her parents. She hasn't spoken to them for several days, and she should inform them of her plans.

Her mother answered the call, and after Shizuru had told her where she was and that she'd be staying indefinitely, the inevitable question arose.

"And how is Natsuki?" her mother asked in a rather hushed, expectant voice.

"She's much better," Shizuru replied truthfully.

"She's gained weight and much stronger, too, with the physical therapy she's been getting."

"That's wonderful. How does she seem otherwise? I mean, mentally?"

"It's hard to tell," Shizuru said guardedly.

"I think those scars might take a little longer to heal, but there's a definite improvement there, too."

"How about you? Are you all right dear?"

Shizuru could sense the concern in her mother's voice.

"Oh yes, I'm fine. The weather is gorgeous and we have a perfectly beautiful house, right on the beach. It's very quiet, very private and we have a couple to help us."

"That's good," came the relieved response. "Well, keep us informed dear. We're both very proud of you. I know this can't have been easy for you. I'm glad you called."

Then, just as Shizuru was about to hang up, her mother said, "Oh I almost forgot. The Suzushiro's are staying on a house at Fuuka for the winter. I'm sure they'd love to see you and Natsuki."

'It's a little too soon for that, Mother." Shizuru said firmly.

"Maybe in a few weeks. It will depend on how Natsuki's recovery progresses."

They said goodbye then and hung up.

Shizuru felt so much better for having talked to her mother, not quite so alone.

_It will be all right, _she told herself as she got ready for bed that night.

_It has to be . . . _

_-----------------------------------------------------------_


	8. Chapter 8

Now that my midterm exams are over and the defense for the thesis proposal tomorrow was moved till next week, th0ught an update would be nice since I d0n't have anything else to do or more like I didn't come to class. . .XD

_As always thanks to:_

_0xnaomix0/tsuko-chan/AleraeEitoren/anonymous/ALEXISSA2/lindred/Edge-Keen Blade/pri815/kae/Iria the Seeker/Olivia U. L./Nathan5th/SpiderLilies2007/Lokiador/volk83/elfspirit7/AnimeJock/-lunatic- diavolo days/ManiazAzn/GreenTeaLeafLove_

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Chapter 8:

When Fumi and Natsuki arrived the next afternoon, Shizuru was standing out on the wide covered front porch waiting for them. She had spent the morning in nervous anticipation, and sent Nina and Erstin, the couple, home early. She'd tried on several different dresses. One seemed too severe, another too casual, another too sexy, until finally she just left on a simple cotton sundress of a bright coral color and a pair of flat-heeled sandals.

_What would Natsuki say when she sees me here? _

She wondered as she watched the car driving up the road towards the house. But then surely she knew. Fumi or Mr. Kusanagi would have told her. But maybe not. Maybe she just would have taken it for granted that she's gone back to Tokyo and the subject hadn't even come up.

When the car came to a halt, she put on a broad smile of welcome and started walking slowly towards it. Fumi got out first, then walked around the front of the car to help the younger one, but before she got there, Natsuki had opened the door for herself and stepped out on to the pavement.

When she looked at her, she knew instantly that Natsuki was surprised to see her. Her eyes widened momentarily, and for one second Shizuru was certain she saw a gleam of pleasure in the green depths, but then it was gone and the familiar closed-in look was back.

"Shizuru," she said, walking slowly towards her. "I see you're all settled in."

There was no way to see whether she was glad to see Shizuru or not. The inscrutable mask gave away nothing.

_She looks wonderful_, Shizuru thought with a little catch in her throat.

"I'll get your bags Natsuki," Fumi called to her. She opened the back door of the car and reached inside.

A look of irritation crossed Natsuki's face.

"I can do that, Fumi." She said.

They argued for a moment, then compromised by each carrying a bag. Shizuru led them into the house and down the corridor to Natsuki's room.

By the time Natsuki set her bag down on the bed, sheen of perspiration had broken out on her forehead and her hands were trembling.

'_She's still so weak,'_ Shizuru thought as she watched her trying to cover her obvious exhaustion. Leaving the hospital, the plane ride, the drive from the airport, all had taken their toll.

Fumi had obviously noticed it, too. After one sharp glance, she fished something in her pocket and come out with a small white packet.

"I have strict orders Natsuki" she said in a severe tone, "to see to it that you take this pill the moment we arrive and lie down."

The youngest of the three frowned, and Shizuru could see the struggle going on inside her. Then she smiled crookedly and reached the packet.

"Aye, aye, ma'am," she murmured, and ripped it open.

"I'll get a glass of water," said Shizuru, making towards the bathroom.

Natsuki frowned again. "I can do that," she said curtly.

"Well," came Fumi's hearty voice, "I expect we'd better her alone, Shizuru-san."

She held out a hand. "I'll say goodbye then, Natsuki. Call me if you need anything. And let me know when you decide on your answer."

Natsuki took her hand shook it. "I will, Fumi, and thanks for everything."

Shizuru and Fumi left her, then and as they walked towards the large main room, Shizuru turned to her.

"Won't you stay for dinner, Fumi-san?" she asked politely. "Or a drink at least?"

She shook her head firmly. "No, I've been away from Tokyo for two weeks now, and have to get back."

She gave Shizuru a brief warm smile. "Besides, it's best for you two to be alone for a while."

Shizuru walked out to the car with her, half glad that she was leaving, yet half sorry, too. She did want to be alone with Natsuki, but she was a little bit afraid of her at the same time. There had been no warmth in her greeting.

'_Was she sorry I had decided to come or merely different?'_

Before Fumi got inside the car, she turned to Shizuru.

"Natsuki and I had a long talk on our way over here," she said gravely.

"I want her back on active duty as soon as possible. I've talked it over with my superiors, and also with your father, and they concur with my opinion. I'd like your help."

Shizuru gave her a worried look.

"But it's too soon! You saw how weak she is."

Fumi nodded. "Yes, but she's light years ahead of where she was two weeks ago. She's basically strong, just needs a little more fattening up, exercise and rest. There's nothing physically wrong with her."

Fumi reddened slightly and lowered her eyes to the ground.

"The doctors say she's totally viable in every respect, that there's no activity she can't indulge in, in moderation." She gave Shizuru an enquiring glance.

"If you understand what I mean."

'_Sex'_ Shizuru thought. _She's talking about sex_.

"Yes," she said, "I understand."

"Good." Fumi slid behind the wheel and gazed up at her through the open car window.

"Can I count on you Shizuru-san? Will you help to persuade her to go back on active status in the Force as soon as she's well enough?"

"Yes, of course." Shizuru thought of the life they'd led before Natsuki was "killed", the military life she had known since she was born, and which she had continued to live even as a widow. She was used to it. She enjoyed it, the travel, the parties, the friends encountered over and over again all over the world. And with Natsuki back to share it with her, it would be even better.

"It's what I want anyway," she added.

With a smile of satisfaction and a little salute, Fumi started the engine and backed the car around. Shizuru stood in the driveway and watched her until she was out of sight.

Then she turned and walked into the house.

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not much of a progress but leave some reviews. . .pleeease??


	9. Chapter 9

**see first chapter for disclaimer**

* * *

Chapter 9:

By seven o'clock that evening Shizuru was beginning to grow seriously worried. There hadn't been a sound from Natsuki's bedroom ever since Fumi had left. Every half hour or so, she would tiptoe down the hall and stand listening at door, but the only sound to be heard was the relentless pounding of the sea in the background.

'_What if Natsuki had a relapse?'_ she wondered as she made yet another trip down the hall to the younger ones room. _'What if she's lying unconscious in there and needed help? They said she was alright, but that was when she was safely in the hospital, under constant observation. Now I have sole responsibility for her. What should I do?'_

Erstin had left another cold supper, and she was starving. _I'd either have to wake her or eat alone._ Finally, she decided she would have to risk Natsuki's annoyance. _It would have to be better than this helpless anxiety._ She raised her hand and tapped lightly on the door.

"Natsuki" she called. "Would you like some supper?"

There was a long silence, and she was just about to knock again when she heard the other speak.

"Yes, give me fifteen minutes to clean up." came the reply.

"Yes, of course."

She was so relieved at the calm, matter-of-fact tone in Natsuki's voice that she started to hum lightly under her breath as she walked back to the kitchen regardless of how the other felt about her presence in the house.

'_We would get reacquainted' _ she thought as she set the table out in the balcony.

'_We had both changed in five years, but were still basically the same people. We both loved each other. We should at least give it a try.' _ She reasoned.

She was attracted to Natsuki, not so much because they have been married in the past but because of what the girl had become. The girl she had been before and the woman she was now could be two different people. She had loved the young Natsuki and this new one was stronger, somehow in spite of her physical weakness, even if unwelcoming, she dimly sensed that Natsuki's love would have to be earned.

Everything was set on the table now, and she stood at the railing gazing out at the blue sea. She turned around and Natsuki was standing a meter away from her.

'_She looks rested' _ she thought. The hollows in her cheeks had begun to fill out and the dark circles under her eyes were gone.

She knew she was staring her but she couldn't help herself. It was the first time they had really been alone together since that first awful meeting at the hospital.

"Shall we sit down?" She asked brightly, moving away from her. "Are you hungry? I got out some chilled wine, but then I wonder if Natsuki is well enough . . ."

"I'm perfectly well" came the sharp reply. "I can eat and drink whatever I like. The wine sounds like a good idea."

They sat down then, and while Shizuru dished up the food, Natsuki uncorked the wine and poured it out. They started eating without another word spoken between them. Shizuru was hurt by Natsuki's abrupt tone, her sudden withdrawal and her morose silence.

'_Why is she so sensitive? If she didn't want me here, why didn't she just say so?'_

Her thoughts began building gradually towards a state of righteous indignation and she was just about to open her mouth to tell her what was on her mind when the other spoke at last.

"I was surprised to see you here, Shizuru" she said quietly.

"What made you decide to come?"

She laid her fork down carefully on her plate and took a sip of wine to calm herself before replying. Then she gave the younger one a cool, direct look.

"I'm not sure now" she said in a tight voice.

"If you didn't want me to come, you should have said so yesterday when we discussed it."

"I didn't say I didn't want you here." Natsuki's voice was low and controlled.

"I told you I wanted you to suit yourself."

"Then why the sudden surprised?"

The raven-haired leaned back in her chair in a relaxed posture and gazed steadily at her for a long moment. Then she said.

"Let's be honest Shizuru. I wasn't so sick that first day you came to the hospital that I didn't see quite clearly you were there under protest."

Shizuru tried to think of a suitable reply but the other girl was right after all. She remained silent.

"I can just hear your father," the other went on.

"It's your duty, Shizuru" she mimicked in a ponderous tone. "It was written all over your face. You didn't want a broken down Natsuki returned form the grave, any more than I wanted . . ." she broke off then.

"Any more than you wanted me?" Shizuru finished softly.

"All right," she said. "Any more than I wanted you."

Raven-haired leaned forward now, her elbows on the table, and fixed the brunette with a penetrating stare.

"It's been five years!" she ground out. "Five long years! You've had your own life during all that time, and I've had mine, such as it was. It's insane to think we can just turn the clock back."

"I take it then, that you don't even want to try," She said.

Natsuki spread her hands in a helpless gesture. "What's the point? You don't even know me. The years I spent in prison . . ." the haunted look was back in her eyes. "Well, they changed me in a fundamental way."

"I see." Shizuru sat quite still while she pondered Natsuki's remarks, but her hands twisted nervously in her lap, out of sight. She had just about decided to tell her she'd leave the next day, when a sudden thought occurred to her and she asked.

"You're in love with Miyabi Sanada, aren't you?"


	10. Chapter 10

I never thought I'd get that much response so a big thank you to these guys for the reviews and –coughs- threats.

_kiangs / maki4will / deatheater2493 / Ayou / krugern / ALEXISSA2 / AppleFlavoredPie / Aesyl / 0xnaomix0 / Zz-Edge-X-Meirouki-zZ / La Vendetta Dulce / Brii / SychoBabbleX / ToumaSan / pri815 /poo anonymous / SpiderLilies2007 / Swarm012 / elfspirit7 / AnimeJock / Lokiador / kae / kikyo4ever / mayaa93 / Nathan5th / tsuko-chan / Olivia U. L. / Iria the Seeker / lindred / ManiazAzn / EleCoR / Keiko-chan2000 / rainee-chan / -lunatic- diavolo days / koalarap / Raven-Phoenix-X / chum-sa / anonymous / Fushigi na Hito_

I had a huge grin plastered on my face while reading all of them…

**see first chapter for disclaimer**

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Chapter 10

'You're in love with Miyabi Sanada aren't you?"

She asked and was astonished at the sick sensation in the pit of her stomach this realization gave.

Natsuki stared blankly at her for a moment, then threw back her head and laughed a harsh, hollow laugh with no merriment in it. When she spoke again her voice was gentler and there was a softer light in the deep green eyes.

"Believe me Shizuru" she said with conviction,

"love is the last thing on my mind. I'm only interested in one thing-survival."

She poured herself another glass of wine then got up from her chair and went to the railing. She stood there gazing out at the sea.

Shizuru felt oddly let down, almost depressed, a state of mind so foreign to her nature that it frightened her a little. Except for Natsuki's sudden "death" so long ago, she had lived a charmed life, with everything she'd ever wanted coming easily and naturally to her. She had automatically assumed that if she wanted Natsuki, she would want her, and she simply wasn't equipped to deal with the other's patent indifference.

Natsuki turned then and gazed at her.

It was growing dark now, with only a pale crescent moon to light the sky. She couldn't make out the expression on the younger girl's face but when she spoke, the voice was kind.

"What about you Shizuru? Natsuki asked.

"Surely you haven't spent the last five years grieving for me? You're very beautiful, even more so than I remembered. Why haven't you married again?"

"I don't know" she said honestly.

"I just never felt the urge. I liked my life the way it was."

"Surely you had opportunities," the other persisted.

"Reito Kanzaki for example. He was in love with you even before we were married."

"I like Reito," she said slowly.

" He's been very kind, very attentive. I guess I even like him in a way,"

"But not enough to marry him." she added.

"But he's asked you," came the insisted voice.

"Yes. He's asked" she admitted.

There was a long silence then and finally Shizuru got up and started to clear the table. She turned on the light in the kitchen and carried the left over and dishes inside. As she cleaned and wiped them, she wondered what she would do.

_Nothing had been resolved. Perhaps it would be best if I just leave tomorrow, go back to Tokyo, pick up my life where I left off and forget everything that happened. Natsuki doesn't want me in her life, that much is clear. She said it herself, what's the point?_

_Yet there is another aspect to consider. Should she be left alone? She had been released from the hospital in my care. What if I did go and something happened to her? She seemed strong enough now and able to care for herself with the help of Erstin and Nina._

_If I left the island, would the Air Force send someone to look after her?_

_Miyabi Sanada perhaps?_

She dried her hands carefully and hung the towel on the rack beneath the sink. She didn't care for the idea at all. Miyabi and Natsuki alone in the house.

Just then, Natsuki came inside and closed the glass door behind her.

She turned to face her and asked.

"Do you want me to leave Natsuki?"

"I think it would be the wise thing to do,"

"For your sake"

" It's a funny thing about marriage though" Natsuki said amused thoughtfully.

"Something oddly permanent and irrevocable about it. I didn't take it lightly then and I still don't"

"Neither do I" she said, her spirits suddenly soaring as though a great weight had been lifted from her heart.

"Well then no, I don't want you to leave. If you like, we can just take it one day at a time, see what happens."

Natsuki left the kitchen, and she could hear her walking down the hall to her bedroom.

'_She didn't want me to leave'_ she thought, and that was something.

Then she frowned.

'_Passively not wanting me to leave and actively wanting me stay are two entirely different things.'_

And even though her fine words about the permanency of marriage had warmed her heart. She knew they were only hypothetical, and she hadn't missed the very real tone of hopelessness in Natsuki's voice as she spoke them.

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	11. Chapter 11

Thank you for the reviews, opinions, and advises… I'll keep in mind what you guys said...^_^

**See first chapter for disclaimer**

* * *

Chapter 11:

From that night on neither of them spoke of their relationship again. Their days fell naturally like a pattern. Natsuki rose early to jog along the beach, going a little further each day. Then after an hour in the beach, she would swim several laps in the pool, both for exercise and to wash off the salt water.

Shizuru was a late riser and by the time she had showered and dressed, Natsuki would already have had her breakfast, prepared by Erstin. She then would disappear into her room just as the brunette appeared in the kitchen for her own breakfast and she wouldn't see the other girl again until late afternoon.

She presumed the younger one was still resting a lot, locked up in her bedroom like that for hours, but occasionally she would hear her pacing back and forth when she walked by and later on the typing sound from her computer. Natsuki never told her what she was doing.

In the late afternoon, Natsuki would emerge for another walk and swim. She never asked Shizuru to go with her. They would meet for a late supper, where their conversation was mixed with long awkward silences.

Several times during that week, Shizuru had tried to question her about her experiences in prison but a hard mask would settle on her face and she would change the subject. Finally, Natsuki told her curtly that she had strict orders from the Air Force not to discuss that, not even with her, and she dropped the subject.

After a week of this, Shizuru was bored out of her mind. She already read every magazine in the house from cover to cover and even driven to the nearby store for more. She swam and walked on the beach by herself while Natsuki was shut away in her room. She even tried to help Erstin with cooking and cleaning and Nina with the garden.

What she longed for she realized was some human companionship. Not only was she sick to death of her own company, she was also beginning to grow angry.

From the beginning, her theory in dealing with Natsuki had been to leave her alone, to make no demands on her, to allow the younger girl to come to her of her own accord.

_For all the communication we had, i might as well be here alone. I need to stop and start to think about what i want,_ she thought.

_What do I want? I want my Natsuki, came her immediate silent answer. I want companionship, caring. I want love._

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Day by day as Natsuki grew stronger she found herself more and more attracted to her. Her body glowed with health now and there was a spring to her step, a new sparkle in her green eyes. Occasionally, watching the younger girl as she swam her laps in the pool, she longed to go to her, to join her, to feel those arms around her, the sensuous mouth on hers.

She was out in the porch, reading through another boring magazine. Natsuki was in the pool having her afternoon swim. She put the magazine aside and walked over to the railing to watch her. The younger girl had just finished her last lap and was sitting on the edge of the pool, flexing her shoulders back and forth as though to loosen them.

Suddenly Natsuki turned around. Green and red eyes met and held in a long look. She was certain at that moment that she desired her.

Natsuki rose to her feet and started walking slowly towards her, her steady gaze never faltering.

Shizuru's heart began to pound, a wave of dizziness passed over her and she clung to the railing for support.

_She's coming to me at last!_, she thought joyfully.

Just then the doorbell rang. Erstin and Nina had already left so she would have to answer it herself. For a moment she was tempted to ignore it but at the sound, Natsuki had dropped her eyes and quickened her step.

She was beside her now, looking at her…

"Better see who it is, I guess." Her husky voice said

"Yes. I guess I'd better."

Shizuru had to turn her head to hide her disappointment.

The younger one followed her into the house and stood back in the large main room watching her as she went to answer the door.

Still annoyed at the untimely interruption, she pulled it open to see a grinning Reito Kanzaki standing at the doorstep.

* * *

Notes: I won't be updating anything soon because my school will have an affiliation which will start on Saturday till May. I have to set aside one of my happiness(reading fics) to concentrate on my studies, who can focus on studying when you know that there are wonderful stories here waiting to be read…^_^


	12. Chapter 12

_**Thanks for the reviews and wishing me luck with my studies:**_

_BOOGIEBEARLOVE / Aesyl / -lunatic- diavolo days / wolfie21 / EleCoR / pri815 / koalarap / Uchiha-chan / Keiko-chan2000 / tsuko-chan / ALEXISSA2 / SpringWaltz_101 / Olivia U. L. / gale / GreenTeaLeafLove / Ayou / -Rikku-Spira- / You've Got Mail/ Iria the Seeker / elfspirit7 / krugern / ManiazAzn / Nathan5th / SpiderLilies2007 / BluexSavior / Fushigi na Hito / kikyo4ever / Shazu / Harley Quinn Davidson_

_As promised, here's the update…enjoy reading! +_+_

**see first chapter for disclaimer

* * *

**

Chapter 12:

"Reito!" Shizuru exclaimed, and fell into his arms with a glad cry. "It's wonderful to see you! What are you doing here?"

She hasn't realized until that moment how much she missed the sight of a friendly face. She kissed him affectionately on the cheek, and then with one arm still around his waist, turned to Natsuki who was slowly walking towards them, her green eyes taking in the scene.

Reito stared at her for a moment, then dropped his arm from Shizuru's shoulders and took Natsuki's hand.

"It's good to see you again, Natsuki."

"Reito, will you please tell me what you're doing in Fuuka?" asked Shizuru, leading the way into the living-room.

"I'm staying with the Suzushiro's, just on the other side of the island. A little vacation." He glanced at Natsuki.

"Although I was hoping to get a glimpse of our conquering hero, I'll have to admit.'

"You don't really believe all that garbage you read in the newspapers, do you Reito?" Natsuki asked lightly.

"Of course not, I know you too well."

Natsuki grinned. "How about a drink?"

"Oh yes" Shizuru agreed. "Let's all have one. Can you stay for dinner?"

"I'll have one quick drink," said Dan, "but I won't stay."

He gave Natsuki a fond look. "Actually I just wanted to see for myself that it really was you, that you were still alive."

He shook his head. "I still can't believe it."

"Sit down, Reito." Invited Shizuru, "I want to hear all the news from home."

She walked over to the cupboard in the corner of the large room.

"Do you want your usual gin and tonic?" she asked reaching for glasses.

"Natsuki" she called over her shoulder. "What would you like?"

There was a short silence, then she said, "Sure, gin and tonic sounds fine. I'll go and get some ice."

"Oh, I'll do that."

"I can manage a tray of ice, Shizuru" Natsuki said in a tight voice.

She turned to Reito. "She insists on treating me like an invalid"

"Well you've got to admit Natsuki" said Reito, sitting down on the edge of the couch, "you've been through a pretty grueling ordeal."

Natsuki made a brief gesture of dismissal. "I'm okay now though." She then went into the kitchen for the ice.

While she was gone, Shizuru carried their drinks over to the coffee-table in front of the couch and sat down next to Reito.

"How is she really?" he asked in a low voice.

"I'm not sure," she said slowly. "Physically, she's fine. But she's still very withdrawn. I don't know. How does she seem to you?"

Reito thought for a minute. "Older of course, and, as you say, somewhat withdrawn, remote. But she looks good." He gave her a sharp enquiring look. "How about you? This whole thing can't have been easy for you."

Before she could answer, Natsuki was back with the ice. She put some in each glass, then emptied the tray into the metal ice bucket and sat down in a chair across from the couch.

"Now, tell me what's been going on in Tokyo." said Shizuru, settling back on the couch.

"I want to know everything. Did you go to the Hallard's party on New Year's Day?" it's the first one I've missed in years."

They chatted for half an hour, Reito fill in Shizuru in on their mutual friends and Natsuki remaining silent, watching them. Shizuru glance her way occasionally, trying to include her in the conversation, giving her a little background on the people. She seemed perfectly relaxed and content to sit quietly, sipping her drink and smiling politely, while Shizuru and Reito chatted.

Finally he drained the last of his drink and rose to his feet. "I'd better be on my way. Don't want to outstay my welcome on my first visit."

"It's great to see you again. We'll have to get together soon for a real visit." Natsuki said warmly, as though she really meant it.

"Well, the Suguira's have a houseful of people staying with them." Reito mentioned several names familiar to Shizuru. "and there's a continual party going on. They're all anxious to see you Natsuki."

"We'll have to arrange something soon." Natsuki murmured.

"Hai." Shizuru agreed warmly. "I'll call Youko-san soon and we'll set a date."

As they walked to the door together, Reito turned to Natsuki.

"What are your plans? Fumi told me she was trying to talk you into going right back on active duty. Have you decided yet?"

"No, I haven't. Right now it doesn't appeal to me, but I'm trying to keep an open mind."

"Can't ask fairer than that." Said Reito. He turned to Shizuru. "Thanks for the drink. I'll probably be seeing you soon." He leaned down to kiss her lightly on the cheek.

At the door, Natsuki and Shizuru stood watching as Reito walked out to his car. He turned to smile and wave at them, then got inside and drove off.

Shizuru felt a little let down when he was gone. _It has been so good to see him again_, she thought, as she closed the front door. Natsuki had gone on ahead back to the living room. She wondered how the other felt about Reito's visit. Although she had been very quiet, she did seem to be genuinely glad to see her old friend back again.

"It was good to see Reito again, wasn't it?" she asked when she came back into the living room.

Natsuki was standing at the glass door to the veranda, her back towards her, looking out. She turned around at her question and smiled at her. "Yes," she agreed. "it was."

Shizuru collected the glasses and put them on the tray. "Do you find him changed?"

Raven-haired thought for a moment. "Not really. He'll always be basically the same."

"It'll be fun to get together with the Suguira's, too" she went on cautiously.

"You miss that don't you, Shizuru?"

She was halfway to the kitchen and turned at the serious note in her voice. She searched her face, but all she saw was a polite expectancy.

"Yes" she said. "Yes, I do."

Natsuki nodded soberly and turned back to the sea, her hands shoved into her pockets. Shizuru stood there, the tray in her hands, longing to go to her, to tell her that she was what she really cared about, far more than her friends but she had shut her out again.

"He's still in love with you, you know." Natsuki said in a low voice.

She opened her mouth to protest, to tell her that even if it was true, she didn't care, but the words wouldn't come.

Green eyes turned back to face her. "He'd make a fine husband for you, Shizuru" she said quietly.


	13. Chapter 13

_**As always, a big thank you to these guys for reviewing last chapter:**_

Elecor – elfspirit7 – Anonymouserous – kikyo4ever – Aesyl – ALEXISSA2 – classicodango – krugern – Linnara – never-the-same – Nathan5th – SpiderLilies2007 – devil-urd – rainee-chan - -lunatic- diavolo days – ManiazAzn – Olivia U. L. – wolfie21 – pri815 – Iria the Seeker – koalarap – chum-sa – emosewame – Harley Quinn Davidson – Keiko-chan2000 – GreenTeaLeafLove – Rikku-Spira- -BOOGIEBEARLOVE – hanazono – gale – yui1808 – Naneiv

**see first chapter for disclaimer**

* * *

Chapter 13:

'_He'd make a fine husband for you, Shizuru,'_ Natsuki said quietly.

"If I'd wanted him for a husband, I would have married him long ago, when I thought I was free," Shizuru said in an even tone.

"Why should I want Reito now, when I already have Natsuki?"

She was about to add that Natsuki herself was the one she wanted if she would just give her a chance, but the grave expression on the others face stopped her.

'_Something is troubling her. If only she'd tell me! What does she want? Am I just wasting my time trying to be a wife to her?'  
_

She turned then and continued on into the kitchen. Natsuki obviously wasn't going to reply to her question.

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Lying in bed that night, dozing fitfully, Shizuru tried to sort out her conflicting emotions. Her mind kept returning to the moment she and Natsuki had shared that afternoon before Reito had rung the doorbell and destroyed the fragile tension between them. Then later, after he left, Natsuki had retreated from her again.

Still, there was no mistaking the look in those emerald eyes. It was the gleam of desire that had shone from them, she was convinced. _Desire for her._

More than anything, Shizuru wanted to resume her marriage, a real marriage, with Natsuki. All the old love and attraction she felt for the other once had returned. If only she would bend a little and trust her, they could have a wonderful life together. The five years apart would be forgotten, and they could just take up where they'd left off.

She began to elaborate on the fantasy. They'd get back in the social swing first. The Suzushiro's presence on the island was a heaven sent opportunity for that. Then Natsuki would go on active duty again, maybe in Tokyo. It didn't really matter wherever they were stationed.

Perhaps, some day, she mused dreamily, they might even consider having children. Not for a long time, but maybe eventually. She'd never wanted children before. Then she almost laughed aloud at the foolish castle in the air she built.

'_Here I am planning a future that included children, when so far she couldn't even bring herself to touch me. Am I repulsive to her, in some way?' _She wondered. _'Maybe I should just give up, leave the island and go back to Tokyo and get a divorce.'_

After another half-hour of tossing and turning and fruitless speculation, she got up and switched on the light. _Maybe if I drink some tea I'd be able to sleep, _she mused to herself.

She padded down the hall towards the kitchen. _Perhaps a breath of fresh air would help_, she decided and crossed through the main room to the sliding glass door that led to the balcony. Even before she reached it, however, she could see a figure of a woman standing there.

She was startled at first, until she realized it was only Natsuki. Obviously, she couldn't sleep either. She stood quite still for quite a moment, watching the younger one through the open door. Her heart began to pound as an idea, just a bare suggestion began to form in her mind. Something had to be done. She didn't know what, but something. Anything!

Natsuki was standing with her back towards the brunette, her hands braced on top of the railing. Her head was bent and she seemed to be staring out at the waves breaking on the shore, deeply immersed in her own private, troubled thoughts.

Shizuru's heart went out to her in a sudden surge of warmth and protectiveness. _'She needs me as much as I need her'_ she thought and made up her mind.

Soundlessly she started walking towards Natsuki.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN**: it's been almost a year since I found this site, to be exact I found this on the last minute of my birthday which is on September 30 (be sure to greet me! ) while listening to Kuwata Keisuke's song "Kaze no Uta Kikazete" or Listening to the poem of the wind... I was searching for more shiznat stuffs that after a lot of clicks it led me here...i was never really a fan of fanfiction but ever since i've read shiznat stories made by you guys, i was rather addicted to it...XD anyway, i was suppose to post this on the 30th as my gift for myself and the date's significance to me but i'll be very busy the coming days so i opted to post it now... the rating changed for this chapter and i'll change it back it the future(i think)... please bear/point out the grammar mistakes and any other errors you see... it's my special day so don't flame me, please? XD

**_as always thank you for your reviews:_**

_EleCoR, ManiazAzn, Keiko-chan2000, koalarap, yui1808, torrrn, SpiderLiLies2007, reviewerskye, bunnkun, kikyo4ever, LucidLucifer, kae, Gale, ALEXISSA2, elfspirit7, pri815, SoulAstray, Fushigi na Hito, krugern, Brii, chum-sa, Linnara, Nathan5th, Knight of L-sama_

**see first chapter for disclaimer**

-

* * *

Chapter 14:

In the dim glow cast by the pale half-moon, Shizuru kept on quietly until she had passed through the open door and stepped silently out on to the veranda. She stood behind Natsuki, just two steps away, hesitating. If the raven-haired heard her, she gave no sign. She just continued to stand there motionless.

Shizuru had no idea what she was going to do next, but as her gaze traveled hungrily over the near naked body, taking in the smooth back, and creamy legs, a sudden heated spurt of desire took possession of her and gave her courage.

She took the two steps that separated them and pressed herself lightly up against Natsuki, barely touching her. She felt the younger one's body go rigid, saw her dark head come up, but she didn't pull away from the brunette. Shizuru pressed a little closer so that her breasts flattened on the blunette's back and she became almost painfully aware of how the hardening peaks thrust against them.

Still, Natsuki didn't move a muscle, except that her breathing had become more labored.

Shizuru slid her arms around her and laid one hand over Natsuki's heart, which she could feel thudding wildly now under her touch. She laid her lips on the scarred back and began to move her fingers lightly over the blunettes chest, ribcage, down over her flat stomach until she reached the waistband of her shorts.

The sensitive skin quivered under Shizuru's feathery touch, and she hesitated. But before she could decide whether to explore the others body further, Natsuki suddenly twisted around and grasped her by the shoulders. She stared at her, green eyes boring into hers with a fierce, almost fanatical intensity. A spasm of pain crossed her face, and she ground out her name harshly.

"Shizuru!"

For a moment the brunette was frightened by the wildly hungry look Natsuki gave her but then her fear evaporated, and she held those green eyes gaze unflinching. Natsuki suddenly reached out and ripped her nightgown down the middle, pulling at the thin material until it lay in shreds on the floor.

Then her open mouth came down hard over Shizuru's, engulfing it in a hot moistness, her tongue pushing past her lips and teeth. Her hands moved down feverishly over her breasts, her waist, paused between her legs then clutched her hips and pushed up her fingers.

Shizuru's blood sang in exultation. Natsuki's punishing kiss ground her teeth into the inside of her mouth so that she could taste the blood and the blunette was crushing her fingers so tightly that she felt the pain of it along the whole length of her body, but she didn't care.

Shizuru threw her arms around Natsuki's neck and grasped the dark hair growing there. This was what she had been longing for, waiting for. Her whole being was alive, on fire and she moved against her sensuously.

Finally, her mouth never leaving hers, Natsuki eased her backwards until she was lying down and Shizuru could feel her weight settle on top of her. Natsuki's breath was coming in great gasps now and with a strangled sob she tore her lips from the brunette and raised herself up slightly to look down at her.

She lowered her head to her breast, then and when Shizuru felt the others lips pulling at the throbbing nipple, she sighed deeply and ran her hands up and down Natsuki's back, underneath the shorts, pushing them down further.

She heard Natsuki groan, deep in her throat and raised her head to claim her lips in another grinding, punishing kiss. At the same time, she arched herself up as felt her fingers thrust into her. Then all thinking stopped as their body rhythms came together and rose to a pounding climax unlike anything Shizuru had ever experienced before in her life.

When it was over, Natsuki lay slumped against her, her breath still coming in short gasps. In a moment, she rolled over and lay on her back, one arm raised to cover her eyes. Shizuru's instinct told her to leave her alone for now, but when the others breathing returned to normal, she lifted herself up on one elbow and leaned over her. Still not uttering a word, she reached out her free hand and began to stroke the dark hair back from her damp forehead.

At last Natsuki lowered her arm and gazed up at her.

"I'm sorry, Shizuru," she said.

Brunette smiled down at her. "What for?" she asked, still stroking.

"For attacking you like some damned animal," she growled in disgust. "I've dreamed about this for days, gone over and over it in my mind. I was going to be so gentle with you, take it slow and easy." She shook her head. "It's just that it's been so long. . ." Natsuki trailed off.

Shizuru leaned down and kissed her on the lips. "But, my Natsuki, it's exactly what I wanted you to do. Why do you think I crept out here in the middle of the night if not to seduce you?"

Green eyes narrowed in disbelief. "To seduce me? Are you serious?"

"Hai. I've been trying to do it subtly for days, and tonight when I saw you out here, I decided that the direct approach was all that might work."

Natsuki said admiringly. "You little devil!"

Shizuru nodded happily. "Hai. That's right."

Natsuki's gaze softened then. "I thought about you so often when I was in prison." She raised her hand and trailed her fingers through brown hair, then over her face, lingering from every feature. "I had your lovely face engraved on my memory." Her hand moved over her throat and settled on her breast. "Your beautiful body." She murmured and began kneading gently.

Desire began to rise up in Shizuru again, warming her blood and drying her throat. Her eyes filled with tears.

"I love you Natsuki" she whispered. "I love you."

Natsuki sat up and took her tenderly in her arms, her lips nuzzling her hair, her mouth and cheek.

"God, Shizuru, I thought I'd never see you again. I was sure I'd lost you." She began to murmur in Shizuru's ear.

"Let's go to bed Mrs. Kuga. This time I'll do it right."


	15. Chapter 15

before I throw myself at school starting tomorrow, i'll indulge you with this little chappie...XP

**Thank you for the greetings and reviews:**

_Nathan5th–You've Got Mail–LucidLucifer–Uchiha-chan–the 321 stars-Blue Lone Wolf-Olivia U. L.-Brii-pri815-Stavri-Gale-Chimeiteki-ShoujoGirl-kae-shebooya-krugern-yui1808-ALEXISSA2-SoulAstray-dfyant1-reviewerskye-ochita127-Knight of L-sama-SpiderLilies2007-Sora-Hikari-f.-Fushigi na Hito-chum-sa-Tippo The Hippo-ManiazAzn-kikyo4ever-fathom-Kring-Keiko-chan2000-Pileoflettuce-BOOGIEBEARLOVE-hanazono-liziwe-gurjhime-elfspirit7-0xnaomix0-My heart is an icebox-darkxsky_

Is everyone accounted for? Yes? Then let's get on with the story!

**See first chapter for disclaimer**

**_________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Chapter 15:

-

The next morning, Shizuru awoke beside her sleeping wife for the first time in five years, just as the sun's first light began to filter through her bedroom window.

She was startled at first by the foreign presence in her bed, but as she slowly came to full consciousness and recognized her, memories came flooding back. She smiled happily. True to her word, their second excursion into the joys of love had been quite different from that first explosive encounter.

She felt just like a warm contented cat, and she started to stretch lazily when it dawned on her that she might wake the other if she moved. Here was an opportunity to watch Natsuki unobserved. Cautiously, she raised herself up on one elbow and leaned over her.

Natsuki was on her back, her head turned away from her on the pillow, one arm on her stomach, the other lying at her side.

_She looks so vulnerable in repose_, Shizuru thought. She stared, enchanted at the steady rise and fall of her chest as she slept. Natsuki looked thin, but strong and supple from her disciplined exercise.

As she gazed at the younger girl's profile, she wondered how she could ever thought of her as a stranger. It was her own Natsuki lying there, and all the forgotten love she had once felt for her was back filling her whole being with an intense happy glow.

Yet, she thought, it really wasn't the Natsuki she remembered, not entirely. The new Natsuki had all the wonderful traits of the old one, but with something added, maturity and a hint of suffering. If anything, she thought, with a fierce rush of love, _she was better!_

_Natsuki still desires me, still loves me too. _She was certain of that. Even though Natsuki hadn't said it in words, she'd told her in every other way. She closed her eyes, suddenly weak with a spasm of powerful longing for the other as she recalled the way her hands and mouth had worshipped her body last night.

She gazed at her again. Then unable to stop herself, carried along by an irresistible momentum, she reached out to run two fingers over the younger ones body, trailing them lightly down from her throat until they slipped underneath the sheet and continued downwards to her thighs.

Shizuru was so absorbed in her fascinating exploration that she didn't realized Natsuki was awake and watching her until she felt the others body shake with silent laughter.

"Mmm" Natsuki said with sleepy satisfaction. "Waking up in prison was never like this!"

Immediately, Shizuru turned scarlet and started to snatch her hand away but before she could move Natsuki's own hand clamped down on hers, forcing it to stay where it was.

"Don't" she murmured. "Leave it there."

Their eyes met briefly, but then as red eyes saw the green ones gaze shift lower she turned a deeper shade of red when she suddenly realized that she was naked. Her nightgown must still be lying in shreds on the balcony.

"Look at me," Natsuki said. She obeyed.

Natsuki smiled then and reached out a hand to run it back and forth over her firm bare breast, the peaks coming alive under her sensitive fingers. Shizuru's hand tightened on the other involuntarily, and she closed her eyes, drowning in pure sensation.

Both of Natsuki's hands were busy now, one still flicking lightly over her taut nipples, circling, playing, teasing, first one then the other, while her other hand moved further down Shizuru's body in a warm sensuous exploration of her own.

With a choking sound deep in her throat, Natsuki rolled Shizuru over on to her back. Shizuru threw her arms around the others' neck and looked up at her. Natsuki was hovering over her, her chest heaving, green eyes deep and flaming with desire.

Natsuki kissed her then, her mouth opened wide, hot, moist, and insistent. She pressed her body on top of Shizuru and joined her again in another glorious journey to the supreme expression of love.

-

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-

-looks around-_ What??? you're not satisfied? you want more?!_ _-sigh- next update will be on christmas break or the next year... but given enough whines _(^.^)_ i might put up another (short) chapter before i get busy with school work... _


	16. Chapter 16

_Note:_ I changed Midori's character into Fumi. She will no longer be Natsuki's commanding officer.

**disclaimer: i own nothing...**

* * *

Chapter 16:

All in all, Shizuru thought late that afternoon, it was a perfect day, at least the happiest day she could ever remember having in her life. She was out on the balcony, watching Natsuki's retreating figure as she jogged up the beach.

The change in her from one day to the next had been astonishing. It occurred to the brunette, too, that perhaps Reito's appearance might have had something to do with it. _Did it made her just a little jealous to see our easy casual affection for each other? _Natsuki was coming towards the house now in an easy, loping stride, and she was struck with admiration at the sight.

"How about another swim?" the pilot suggested.

"No, thanks." Shizuru replied dryly. "You go ahead. I'll go and fix us a drink."

She went into the kitchen to mix their drinks, and she wondered if she should be thinking about fixing something for their dinner. Erstin usually took care of that, but Natsuki had sent her home as soon as she arrived that morning.

Smiling at the remembrance, she began going through the cupboards for an inspiration. _Perhaps just a salad_, she thought.

"Hey, where's my drink?" Natsuki called. She appeared at the door.

"Sorry," she said. "I was wondering what to do about dinner"

Just then the telephone rang a very rare occurrence. The brunette glanced at the other who had gone quite still, and the smile was replaced by the hint of a frown. It rang again.

"Better answer it," Natsuki said at last.

It was Youko Helene.

"Ara, hi Youko," said Shizuru, "How are you?"

Although she was older than 10 years, Shizuru had always felt a strong connection with the slender, brown haired woman whom she've known all her life. She was more modern in her views and less trained by the stiff-upper-lip, duty-above-all military code that dominated the brunette's family.

"We're fine." Said Youko. "A houseful of people, as usual, but that's the way Midori likes it. I think you know most of them."

While Youko talked of several familiar names, Shizuru saw Natsuki go over to the sink and finish making the drinks she had started. She came back and handed her one, then sat down across the counter from her on one of the high metal stools and watched the brunette.

"Well, anyway," Youko went on, "we all got our heads together last night and decided to have a party on Saturday. We'd like to have you and Natsuki join us."

"I don't know. We're living quietly these days."

"How is she?"

"She's fine. Back to her old self." Shizuru gave her a suggestive grin, and the other blushed, choking on her drink.

"You'll have to admit, Shizuru." Youko said, "that we've all been very good and practiced a lot of restraint leaving you two alone for so long to enjoy your second honeymoon. But don't you think it's about time you got back? Reito said Natsuki looks great. You can't keep her all to yourself forever."

"Ara, when is it again? Saturday?"

She put her hand over the phone and whispered the word party to Natsuki. Immediately she frowned and shook her head.

"I think we'll pass on this one. Maybe next time."

"All right. But we're not going to give up."

"I'm glad." Shizuru replied with a little laugh.

"We'll get together soon. Thanks for calling."

When she had hung up, Natsuki came around the counter, took her in her arms and held her tenderly for several moments, face buried in the ebony locks. She then put her hand at the back of her neck. There was no passion in the others embrace, but Shizuru could feel waves of warmth emanating from her.

Natsuki cupped her chin in her hand and tilted her head so that red eyes are looking at her face. What Shizuru saw there made her glow with pleasure. For the first time, the light Natsuki's green eyes was one of pure love.

"You wanted to go didn't you?" Natsuki asked softly.

Shizuru tightened her arms around her waist. "I'd rather be here with my Natsuki."

"But you did want to go."

She shrugged and cocked her head to one side, smiling at her. "Maybe. But only to show off my new Natsuki."

She couldn't resist raising her hand to run a finger over the younger ones face.

"I love you."

"I love you too." Natsuki said, holding her gaze.

"and I'm very thankful you turned Youko down. It's selfish, I guess, but I want you all to myself, at least for a little while longer."

_Its what I want too, _Shizuru thought slumping against her. She closed her eyes and laid her head on Natsuki's shoulder as she stroked her back. She had been a little disappointed to miss the party on Saturday night, but there would be other parties, and it was well worth it to have elicited that declaration of love from Natsuki. Until then, she hadn't been quite sure that the other did really love her, really trust her. Now she knew at last that Natsuki loves her and that was all she needed.


	17. Chapter 17

_been bored this couple of days and for some reason I had this nagging feeling that I should update this before I get busy with work and forget about updating yet again. . ._

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_**Disclaimer: don't own anything**_

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Chapter 17:

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Shizuru floated through the next three weeks on a cloud of euphoria. Their love making continued to be perfect. They were wary while Nina and Erstin were there, but as soon as the couple left, they would make love whenever and wherever they pleased.

One particular night, she even coaxed her wife down to the beach to swim naked. Once Natsuki overcame her initial apprehension and realized that they truly were private there, she enjoyed the experience more than she ever would have dreamed possible.

The beach house was built on a small sheltered bay where the waves was not overpowering as it was on the more open stretches of beach, and once they got past the breaking waves, the water was quite calm, and so clear that you could see flat stones on the bottom.

Shizuru floated mindlessly in the salt water that's still warm from the sun's rays, her long light-brown hair spread out around her, secure in the knowledge that Natsuki was nearby. The other liked to swim out a little farther, but was never gone for long, and Shizuru always knew when she came back by the feel of her hands on her thighs. They would swim silently together to the shore, then both of them filled with barely-contained excitement, make love on the damp packed sand of the beach.

Only one thing marred those heavenly days, and that was a nagging worry at the back of Shizuru's mind about the future. Natsuki was perfectly fit now in every way, mentally and physically. Only occasionally now did she see the old haunted look in those green eyes when the other didn't know she was watching her, and the look of suffering was always transformed into a warm smile of welcome whenever Natsuki saw her.

Shizuru realized that Natsuki would probably always have to deal with those ghosts from her past, but she hoped in time that the scars would fade as surely as the welts on her back.

Natsuki never spoke to her about her experiences in prison. Once or twice Shizuru broached the subject, but the others face always closed up when she did. Green eyes would go blank, her mouth become set in a rigid line, and she would simply vanish mentally. Shizuru would panic then, terrified of losing her, of being shut out again, and would change the subject immediately or twining her arms around the others neck, holding her wife's head fiercely, protectively hugging her.

Finally Shizuru learned to accept the fact that the blunette intended to deal with her past alone, and she decided never to mention it again. Natsuki never asked her about her life during the five years they were apart, after all in the end it was probably better that way.

That still left the future, however, a future they would share, and on that subject she felt she did have some rights. Natsuki still shut herself up in her room every day after her morning workout, speaking in vague terms of the possibility of writing a book someday.

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One night, Shizuru decided it was the time to tackle her about her plans. There had been a downpour earlier that afternoon, and it had rained steadily since then. It was the first time in the weeks they had been on the house that they hadn't been able to go outdoors, and by the time she'd cleaned up the kitchen after their evening meal, Shizuru was feeling restless and bored from being cooped up all day.

Natsuki was in the living room reading when she carried in their after dinner tea. _It's all right for her_, she thought, a little resentfully, setting the tray down on the table in front of her. _She has her books, her work. I can't even take care of my own house, with Erstin shooing me away every time I try. When Natsuki looked up from her book and smiled at her, however, her momentary resentment faded instantly. Her wife was so dear, so loving, all she could hope for and she knew how lucky she was for having her._

"I've been thinking Natuski" she said carefully as she poured the tea.

"Shouldn't we be planning some kind of future?" she asked. "I mean, we can't stay here forever. Surely you've given some thought to what you want to do, where you want to live. I was hoping. . ." she broke off. _I don't want to push her. Still, it's my future too. Don't I have some say in it?_ She looked at her. Green eyes were gazing at her thoughtfully.

"Go on," the other prompted. "What were you hoping? I really want to hear."

"Well then, I was hoping you'd decide to do what Fumi-san asked you to do."

"You mean, go back on active duty?"

She nodded. Natsuki looked away then, staring into space, not saying anything for a long time.

"I haven't decided about that," she said at last. "Frankly, it doesn't appeal much to me at the moment. Somehow I seem to have lost my old military fervor." She shook her head. "I don't know Shizuru. Is that what you really want?"

"Well" she said slowly. "I do like the life. After all, it's the only life I've ever known. What else would you do?"

"I could teach, I suppose. Fumi did mention that she could probably get me a spot at the Naval Academy in Nagasaki."

"Ara, I think that's a very good idea", Shizuru said with enthusiasm. "You could probably find the time to work on your book too, if you were teaching, and there would be plenty for me to do."

"Yes" the younger one agreed. "It would have definite advantages." Then she laughed a little diffidently. "Shall I tell you my pipe-dream, my castle in the air?"

Shizuru smiled, "Please do."

"I have this constantly recurring fantasy about finding a small house on the water in the Amami Islands, settling there, writing my book, having a family." Natsuki said.

She was watching Shizuru closely as she spoke. Crimson eyes continued to smile brightly, but underneath her heart plummeted sickeningly. The muscles of her rigid jaw began to ache and she could hold the fake smile no longer. She gave green eyes a stricken look.

"You hate the idea. I was afraid of that." the younger one said.

"Natsuki," the brunette faltered, "I don't know what to say. It just never occurred to me that you'd want to bury yourself in Amami Islands."

"It's not the Arctic Circle," she said dryly "The islands are fairly well populated. Quite a few people actually live there."

"But what would I do?"

"You'd make new friends, and we'd probably start a family."

Shizuru could only stare at her. Her head whirled. She could feel green eyes still on her, waiting for her to respond. _But what can I say? She'd taken me completely by surprise. Surely she wasn't serious? She'd said it was a pipe-dream, a castle in the air. No_, _of course she wasn't serious. It was only a fantasy after all. She'd said it herself. I would persuade her to take the teaching position. That would be the ideal compromise. Natsuki is a fair woman and she loves me. She'd want me to be happy._

_We've been isolated for too long, _she thought at last. _It's not healthy. What we need is to get out more, be with people, renew our old friendships, and develop a social life._

Red eyes turned to green, calmer now that she had made her decision.

"Youko called again this morning," she said.

She saw her face fall, a hint of disappointment in those green eyes and rushed on, "That party three weeks ago turned out so well that they've decided to have another one at their place. Would you like to go?"

"You miss all that, don't you Shizuru?" Natsuki asked quietly.

"Yes. Yes, I do miss it." Then her gazed softened and she reached for the others hand, cradling it against her cheek. "Natsuki, I love you so much. You know that. These past weeks alone here with you has been heaven. But try to understand. You have your work, I have nothing."

Natsuki pulled her and held her in her arms, stroking her hair and murmuring in her ear. "I do understand. I've been very selfish. I'm sorry." She raised Shizuru's face in her hands and kissed her on the tip of her nose. "Of course we'll go to the party at Youko's. It sounds like fun."

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thanks for reading!

_would you gimme something to read as well? ^_^_


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